Vadim Newquist

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The Infernal Sex Machine
Now the cat... is HIS bitch
Now the cat... is HIS bitch
Personal Details
Profession

Satirist, Slave, Sex Machine, Sexy Mofo

Religion

None (atheist)

Groups

Creationist Cat Ministries

Age

38 apparently (born January 25th)

Birth place

North Carolina

Residence

New York

Status

Telling Roo to get his mouth away from his dick.

Social Networking
Youtube channel

DarthVadim

Facebook

Vadim Newquist

Twitter

Vadim Newquist

Google+

Vadim Newquist

Physical attributes
Eye colour

Brown

Hair colour

Brown

An ass with zero acne is truly a thing to treasure.

— Vadim's wisest words.

It's pretty pathetic that someone would make a YouTube account and like, talk through an animal like that.

— Vadim Newquist during episode 127.[1]

Vadim Newquist (also known as Creationist Fat by some turd-burglar) is an actor, director, singer, comedian, satirist, dick-monkey and the human slave of the celestial evangelist/feline/YouTuber known as Creationist Cat. He has a predilection for Hawaiian shirts and pornstar moustaches. Vadim provides valuable assets to CC and helps manage some of his shit like social media. Creationist Cat also freeloads off Vadim by living in his apartment, as a result CC seems to have convinced Vadim that everything the light touches is part of his holy domain.

He first self identified as a full on atheist after watching The Atheist Experience, though also used to be into New Age Bullshit. It is presumed Vadim was sodomized with a Bible by his master after making the information public.

On Drunken Peasants

Why does CC even let his man-slave off the leash? Go back to fanning him and feeding him tuna, where you belong.

GirlDoesRant[2]

Vadim has made a few guest appearances on Drunken Peasants, mostly in stead of his much more talented overlord. In July 2015, he was doc-dropped by Napoleon Dynamite over Twitter. This led to him making an appearance on episode 127 of ԀP, where he brutally eviscerated Napoleon's genitals on the issue (boom goes the dynamite). Vadim was very tired after a long day of wanking off CC's barbed feline cock, so he had to leave two-thirds through the show in order to get some sleep for a couple hours.

Vadim showed his revolting face for a second time in episode 157 where he got his ass whipped like the piece of shit slave he is by Jean-François Gariépy. In the episode Vadim discussed his utter distaste and hatred CC's Kangaroo Nemesis and, unfortunately, had to leave. CC would come on ԀP mere minutes later.

Vadim = Creationist Cat?

When Devon Tracy failed at doxxing CC and accidentally doxxed Vadim, a peculiar conspiracy was born. Devon Tracey would refuse to admit he dun fucked up, so he would continue to believe that they were the same person. Devon Tracy is the largest supporter of this crazy theory, which does a huge disservice to its credibility. Those who believe Vadim is CC have only a few of arguments at their side:

Their Arguments (With Rebuttals)

Non-believer: Vadim and CC's voices sound similar!
Rational human: Just like explained on the Fan Conspiracies page; God is just lazy and simply copy/pasted Vadim's voice to CC.
Heretic: Why are CC and Vadim never in the same place at the same time?
Rational human: That's just a coincidence. They aren't seen together because CC is a busy feline and can't be seen with his slaves.
Heathen: If Vadim and CC are different people, why are they always in agreement?
Rational human: Who said they were? Vadim is an atheist and CC certainly isn't. Alternatively, Vadim Newquist has a form of stockholm syndrome and willingly agrees with everything CC says.

Finding Love

Vadim has had trouble finding the special someone in his life.

His first attempt of finding love was on an old cable reality show called 3rd Date where he met a woman named Rebecca who described Vadim as attractive, but weird. Eventually she dumped Vadim for another guy named Matt. CC said the whole thing was fake and improvised, but he is probably just defending Vadim from embarrassment. It seemed Vadim was out of luck with women until April of 2007. Vadim went on a stroll though his neighborhood grocery store. There, he meet a beautiful woman and the two immediately fell in love.

Third Date! - Vadim loses love.
One Look - Vadim finds love.
Get Your Mouth Away From My Dick

Get Your Mouth Away From My Dick!

Get Your Mouth Away From My Dick is a song by Vadim Newquist that was directed by Creationist Cat. Vadim made his striking debut in CC's music video and blew everyone away with his siren-esque voice and beautiful complexion. He's Freddie Mercury with a handle-bar mustache and aviators. 

Lyrics

Not long ago, you put your mouth on my dick and you

sucked it like a pro but there's one thing you should know

That night. Nearly drove me insane caused so much mental pain almost damaged my brain.

See I know, the way I've gotta live there's only one woman who's my love I gotta give 

and time to time my memory flashes to that night, but girl I'm trying so hard, to live so right. 

And girl, get your mouth off of my dick, I remember that day and I can't live this way no girl,

get your mouth off of my dick, I'll stay true to til the end this won't happen again

No no no no no (etc)

Don't worry girl I don't give you blame

there's no way to get rid of my shame

Just once more you can chill as my friend

But this will never happen again

Girl get your mouth right off of my dick, I remember that day and I can't live this way no girl,

Get your mouth right off of my dick, I'll stay true to til the end this won't happen again

Girl get that mouth right off of my dick, I remember that day and I can't live this way no girl,

Get your mouth right off of my dick, I'll stay true to til the end this won't happen again

Trivia

  • He gets more pussy than Mario and The Beast combined.
  • Vadim has an amazing singing voice.
  • His favorite hobby is punching women.
  • He is notoriously hideous, a fact to which CC continuously apologizes for when his audience is subjected to him.
  • He is the one who uploads and maintains Creationist Cat's channel (a cat can't do it himself).
  • He is no longer your bitch! HE IS CC'S BITCH!
  • His friend, Noah Warner, is also a human slave to CC.
  • He has a sexual attraction to Santa Claus. He has demonstrated multiple times that if you sit on Santa's "other leg," lots of presents will appear out of nowhere.
  • He doesn't care about embarrassing videos of himself.
  • He's hardcore and he knows the score.
  • Not long ago, you had your mouth on his dick, and you sucked it like a pro.
  • He is currently working on a movie called The Trap Door At The Edge of the Universe, which will star Haley Joel Osment. He helped fund it through IndieGoGo.
  • He has done a hangout with Armoured Skeptic. He has not yet released it.
  • Vadim's eyes have circles so dark they rival those of L from Death Note.
  • Vadim is known for plowing the line between hideous, and surprisingly fucking handsome. This depends entirely on whether he shaves.
  • Vadim once met Mister T, he was presumably - fucked in the ass by him. This likely motivated him to adopt CC.

Gallery

References

  1. http://drunken-peasants-wiki.com/wiki/Episode_127
  2. http://puu.sh/qmSIY/1324140c47.png
AtheistRooSaga.png The Atheist Roo Saga
RooKKK.png
Challengers

Canadian AtheistCreationist Cat & Vadim NewquistDrunken PeasantsG ManJaclyn GlennKraut and TeaKyle KulinskiMr. RepzionTim BlackThe Outspoken RealistUzalu

Episodes

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