Shirt Guy

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The Shirt Guy
Shirt Nigga (to the right) and Scotty (to the left).
Shirt Nigga (to the right) and Scotty (to the left).
Personal Details
Profession

Shirt Bitch

Religion

None (atheist)

Birth place

Pluto

Residence

West Virginia

Status

Being awkward

Physical attributes
Eye colour

Brown

Hair colour

Brown

I'm garbage.

— Shirt Guy's catchphrase.

How's everyone doin'?

— Shirt Guy displaying the best manners of any patron during episode 165.[1]

Danny "The Living Shirt" Jensen, also known as Shirt-Guy or Better Egghead, is a door-to-door shirt salesman featured on the Drunken Peasants. His backstory is one of a man turned millennial-fuckwit with a Patreon subscription. He is bland as fuck, but definitely endearing enough to earn redemption, able to be self-deprecating unlike some more pompous and UnFunny guests. His cock is as big as his shirt collection, ever expanding and far from flaccid.

Description

Shirt Guy often just sits there in the corner during the podcast, furiously jerking off to his shirt collection live on camera while the peasants do their show. Sometimes the hosts fuck with him for the entertainment of the viewers, which rarely phases him because he's a chill dude. He is most prominent for taking people's hopes and dreams, digesting them over the course of several years, and shitting them out in the form of an awkward silence. He is a loyal disciple of TJ, as well as Mothman's boyfriend. Shirt Guy's favorite host of the show is Scotty Cena.

Being a longstanding Patron of the show, Shirt Guy has been present for a number of shows. Despite contributing minimal to the actual podcast, he serves as a loyal punching bag to the peasants. Like some other patrons, he may suffer from Stockholm syndrome. His very first appearance was episode 126.

On Drunken Peasants

I learned about condoms in my sixth grade sex class.

— All we know about his personal life.

Shirt Guy was once a little boy that had dreams and aspirations. He played with his friends, worked hard in school, and aspired to be a Hollywood actor. One day he stumbled upon the Drunken Peasants Podcast and became obsessed with the hosts. He forgot all his ambitions and quit his dreams to work as a Walmart employee. With his low income job, he could only afford just enough money to buy t-shirts. His only other source of financial support was the Mothman, who after months and months of saving up, shamelessly paid Shirt Guy's way into a guest spot on the podcast.

On episode 126, he made an appearance where he was only used as a punching bag. TJ mocked him and the audience accused him of being a pedophile because of his mustache. After the most traumatic experience of his life, he left his house and bought 10 bottles of liquor. He sat in an alleyway and drank until he collapsed due to alcohol poisoning and faded into a dark, bitter end in a world that would never accept him.

Following his death, a Jesuit clone of Shirt Guy was made. The clone of Shirt Guy spent his first night alive at a Kenyanist convention. There he met the Mothman, over the span of a few months the two fell in love and eventually eloped in Columbus, Ohio. Shirt Guy now tries to keep a balance between his relationship with TJ and the Mothman.

A summary of his futher appearance can be founds below:

  • Episode 133 - He went on to appear again where it was revealed that he is not cis, but is instead a strong independent trans-moth, whose only desire is to be plowed by the Mothman.[1]
  • Episode 141 - He appeared to ask Sargon of Akkad a question about his new game. He was unable to get close to Sargon, as TJ sabotaged his chance by bringing up dildo factories. Unsurprisingly, these same dildo factories were later revealed to be the property of the Mothman.
  • Episode 155 - During this episode, Shirt Guy's connection was sabotaged by TJ disrupted by technical errors. Shirt Guy was kicked then brought back when the "technical errors" were fixed. He also went as far as to shave his moustache while on air.
  • Episode 168 - Shirt Guy came on the show again in a grey Deadpool mask. He was pretty funny and entertaining for a change, bringing the shows quality up significantly.
  • Episode 181 - He appeared on the podcast and shared an emotional moment with the peasants, and TJ admitted that he had been too mean to Shirt Guy, and he only acted that way because he wanted to suck Shirt Guy's massive cock.
  • Episode 189 - Shirt Guy arrived on the show without his Deadpool mask and the extent of his relationship with TJ is revealed when sexual tension reached a height.

Quotes

Shirt Guy back when he was modeling the pedo look.

I'm not really interesting at all.

— T-shirt guy accepts the truth.

I will not say, [who I 'got laid with 10 years ago] mostly because I don't know her last name...

— Being a misogynist pig.

I like everything Star Trek.

— Being a hipster piece of shit... and a misogynist.

Trivia

The Mothman takes Shirt Guy's ass
  • He once got stoned as fucked with Christopher S and Chelsea during a DP meetup in Ohio, so much so that he couldn't keep his eyes open.
  • Those shirts were the only material he had that kept him warm at night. That and his father hovering over him.
  • He lives in the same town as the Mothman and his sweet, sweet ass is what made the Mothman decide to stay.
  • He has appeared on The Egghead Show as a guest a few times.
  • A raging debate has been formed across the internet as to how much pussy those shirts used to get him everyday.
  • Buying shirts is all he knows how to do.
  • Shirt Guy used to masturbate exclusively to Teletubby porn, before he watched Schindler's Fist.
  • Shirt Guy is confirmed to be garbage.
  • He has the same facial hair as Vladimir Lenin (possible connection?).
  • He has admitted to not buying the Dinoaur shirt, leading TJ to speculate that Shirt Guy should be shown every shirt before it is sold, and if he doesn't like it, then the shirt will sell well.
  • Shirt Guy doesn't know how to enter a conversation.
  • Shirt Guy has absolutely no sense of humor.
  • He has frequently been "mistaken as" a pedophile.
  • Ironically, when T-Shirt Guy shaves, he looks like someone a pedophile would love to molest.
  • The Human Centipede movies made him who he is today.
  • He likes to cuddle.
  • Despite what we all tell ourselves, we all love T-Shirt Guy.
  • As of 1st of Aug 2016, He is the only dP wiki patron.
  • This page was featured during the Information Segment during Episode 279.

Gallery

References

  1. https://youtu.be/IVgsF_7SnRU?t=7m30s