Scotty Cena

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Scotty Cena
Gone, but not forgotten.
Gone, but not forgotten.
Personal Details
Profession

Drunken Peasants Co-Host

Age

29

Birth place

China

Residence

Columbus, Ohio

Status

Making TJ and Ben humble.

Physical attributes
Eye colour

Blue

Hair colour

Blonde

A fucking stuffed doll with a piece of paper of Scotty's face taped to it could not possibly be kayfabe.

— Ben's take on Scotty Cena during episode 352.[1]

I'm gonna FUCK YOUR ASS! And then you gonna be humble.

— His catchphrase.

Scotty Cena is the best and overall most beloved host of the Drunken Peasants. 90% of the Drunken Peasants' income goes to Scotty Cena, while the other four peasants are often forced into a ball-washing contest over who gets the last of his table scraps. He is the only host or person ever featured on the show to be universally approved by the DP Subreddit. His growing popularity and control over the show caused a mysterious nasally assassin to stab him 86 times in the face. He has since been killed and returned many times, while each time he has recovered he only became more handsome than the last life, although he has stopped making frequent appearances on the show as a result of moving to the Bahamas. His most recent appearance was episode 352, where he offered his talents to the podcast once again.

History

Scotty Cena is the result of a one night grudge-fuck between John Cena and Scotty Kirk, he was discovered as a rising star at an amateur wrestling league by Ben years before the Drunken Peasants formed and they became fast friends. Eventually Ben met TJ and his brother Scotty, where it was revealed Scotty actually owed John Cena twenty years in child support. After years of legal stibbulations and TJ attempting to shove a swordfish up Ben's ass during a court hearing, Scotty Cena ended up having all three peasants as his biblical slaves. Months later, they formed a podcast called Drunken Peasants.

On Drunken Peasants

Scotty Cena can't stand the sight of Scotty, as a result he only appears on when show when Scotty is too busy getting fucked in the ass with a 18 inch strap-on by his girlfriend. He repeatedly shouts vulgar threats of abuse and rape with the help of this soundboard. Even when he does make an appearance, he is a man of few words. He annoys Ben on a constant basis and threatens other members of the podcast, although he is tolerated being that he's also a huge John Cena fan, almost as much as Ben.

Abuse of Scotty Cena

Scotty Cena was raped by TJ during episode 128. Scotty Kirk Someone tried to assassinate Scotty Cena right before episode 134. He was forced into hospitalization, where he could not appear on the show until he recovered. Scotty Cena has since recovered, having appeared on RAGE FEED with Ben. The relationship between Scotty Kirk and Scotty Cena is very heated. It is unknown whether or not Kirk has made another attempt on Cena's life.

Death

Scotty Cena was challenged to a final match by Scotty to decide who was the best Scotty. The match took place during the February 2017 private show. The patrons watched live as Scotty and Scotty Cena duked it out. They appeared evenly matched, both kicking out at 2 several times. Until Scotty finally gained the upper hand and won the match.

In a blind autism-fueled rage, Scotty continued to beat on Scotty Cena even after his victory. Patrons watched in horror as Scotty tore beloved champion Scotty Cena to pieces covering the floor with his stuffing. Scotty Cena's manager, Paul, begged Scotty to end this ruthless slaughter as he tried in vain to collect the pieces of his client. TJ hugged Paul to comfort him and they both grieved for the fallen hero. This solemn moment was somewhat ruined by TJ's asscrack taking up half the frame.

Quotes

But I am the MAN with the TEN INCH COCK!

— Scotty Cena's usual rebuttal to Ben and TJ.

I'll fuck your wife, I'll fuck your daughter, and I'll fuck your son!

— Scotty Cena recanting his horrible deeds.

Another little fag. Worse than Micheal Jackson.

— Scotty Cena on The Vigilant Christian.

Trivia

  • Scotty Cena was voted the greatest host in a wiki poll, prior to Paul joining the podcast.
  • Scotty Cena hates Scotty and plans on fucking his ass and making him humble the next time he sees him.
  • He's fucked Scotty's wife, daughter and son to death. He fucked them so hard that Scotty completely forgot about his dead family.
  • Scotty Cena regularly attends gang-bangs advertised on Craigslist.
  • Scotty Cena had an IMDb page. It has since been removed.
  • It is widely accepted that Scotty unleashed over ten years of rage at Cena, it is unknown if he will ever recover mentally. This rage was caused by not being able to profess his love of eggs.
  • Scotty Cena's favorite fruit is bananas. In fact, it is believed that he ate the banana that was used in the making of BananaGate.
  • Various segments were shipped out to other members of the atheist community, Brett Keane has kept his to this day.

Appearances

This list is currently incomplete.

Gallery

References

  1. https://youtu.be/DKBKRFV19D8?t=5m