November 28th, 1977
Mississippi, United States
A trailer park
Brown (but bald as a fucking egg)
"You think Jill Stein's got a wet pussy?"— Pimpmunk during The Pimpmunk Show. 
"My Paul impersonation would be shoving my head up your ass."
John Edward Crawley is a disgusting goblin of a YouTuber with the voice of a sassy black lady who hails from the backwards state of Mississippi, yet resembles something from your most depraved and worst nightmares. He produces videos on YouTube under the handle of Pimpmunk and is the creator The Pimpmunk Show. On YouTube, he posts videos on a variety of issues including politics and religion while trying (and succeeding) to be as repulsive as possible, providing a very persuasive argument that there is no God or mercy or hope in the universe.
He currently operates three channels; Pimpmunkx (his main channel), Pimpmunkx1 (a backup channel), and Pimpmunkrandom, where he and other people from The Pimpmunk Show host a variety of livestreams. Because he is a crude, loudmouth, overweight piece of detestable trash, he easily became a good friend to the Drunken Peasants and has made five appearances as a guest. Pimpmunk was also present at the Columbus Meetup 2016, Los Angeles Meetup 2016 & New Orleans Meetup 2016. His initial popularity was caused by Jaclyn "Plagiarist" Glenn, however, he, to quote Tommy from the Bronx, earned and kept his subs.
On Drunken Peasants
Pimpmunk made his debut during The New And Improved Drunken Peasants, where he was featured alongside Jim Ass, Vadim Newquist, Ben, Evan Lefavor and PaulsEgo (TJ & Scotty were absent because uh, Three Buck Theater). When they brought on Pimp, he first described one of the episodes of The Pimpmunk Show in which he invited Ben on to visit. Paul also mentioned a fundraiser that Pimp hosted for Galen Hallcyon that Paul had a chance to appear on. Pimpmunk gave an update on his health and brought up the offer to kiss PaulsEgo for 800 dollars towards Galen's health, which would be done at the Los Angeles Meetup 2016. Vadim later attempted to oust Pimpmunk and the peasants for their supposed ties to ISIS.
Vs. Jaclyn Glenn
Pimpmunk made his first debut on a proper episode during episode 200, at the start of which the peasants praised him for his video destroying Jaclyn Glenn, with him explaining why it turns out Jaclyn is kind of a cunt. Pimpmunk mentions that he made a somewhat butthurt video on the issue and as a result, Glenn apparently pinned him as part of the group of people calling her out on the bullshit, which she perceived as an attack. Even though, according to Pimpmunk, he defended her from that type of thing for the longest time. The peasants had Pimpmunk talk to Jean-François Gariépy on the issue, who has made an entire series of videos regarding Jaclyn and her plagiarist ways. He also talked about how Jaclyn is a cunt for not attending a meetup that she said she would be at an wasting his time. TJ attempted to make the #NukeMichigan viral, but Pimpmunkx wanted to nuke Mexicans and was kicked out for his racism.
During episode 242, Pimpmunk made his return in a regular episode of the show. During his appearance they mentioned how Pimpmunk weighs more than Paul and even TJ (likely because as he describes, he lives on a diet of Dr. Pepper) which is a feat previously thought impossible to the DPverse and made TJ feel happier. They talked about how Pimpmunk at a massive burger at the Columbus Meetup 2016 and Paul thought back to their make-out during the Los Angeles Meetup 2016. Paul mentioned that people at the Columbus meetup expected him and Pimpmunk to kiss just for the fuck of it, as if it was supposed to be an event featured at every meetup for the fuck of it, which led to TommyFromTheBronx giving Paul a tender and inviting kiss on the lips. Pimpmunk later revealed that he kissed Tommy too and that it was mentioned by Joseph Martelli. They later on talked about Pimpmunk's recent feud with Brett Keane, originating with Brett dissing Pimp's mama who he regards as his personal hero. At one point, Pimp offers to tattoo "I love Brett Keane" on his ass cheek.
Wheel of Misfortune I
Pimpmunk's next guest appearance was on episode 287, where he, the peasants, and a dominatrix named Juniper Gin discussed the upcoming episode 300 and how he and Paul were gonna get abused by Mistress Gin live. Paul has commented that he's going to go noodlin' for a catfish during his showdown with Pimpmunk and Mr. Repzion on the Wheel of Misfortune. He wasn't there for the entire or most of the episode, so it wasn't technically a proper guest appearance.
Pimpmunk, along with Paul and Mr. Repzion, appeared on episode 300 as one of Mistress Gin's piggies, where he played a game of Wheel of Misfortune. He ended up losing, although he won 100 dollars snorting grinded up black pepper during the first bonus round. Unlike Repzion, Pimpmunk was given credit for at least giving Paul a run for his money and putting up some form of challenge. Pimpmunk was also the only person on the wheel to accept the special challenges, having accepted to both snort grinded pepper and rub icy hot all over his balls. During the wheel, Paul also revealed that Pimp's got a third nut. By far the craziest torture he endured was having some hot wax melted on him towards the end. Despite having no chance near the end, he made Paul work for his four-thousand to put on a good show. By the time the wheel had ended, Pimpmunk had endured eighty-eight spankings from the mistress, the least of either two contestants in total.
During episode 344, Pimpmunk appeared again as an in-studio guest during a visit to Washington. When the show began, they had him shill out his channel and TJ explained a story about how Pimpmunk loves to punch other people in the nuts because it gives him enjoyment. The peasants talked about the prospect of Pimpmunk donating his third nut to Paul since he is sterile, though Pimpmunk offered at one point to sell them as a package deal. They played a game of Troll or Not a Troll where he and the peasants deemed the suspect as a trolll and they then all looked at some political shit in DP Action News. Later on, Paul managed to do an impression of Pimp that was actually more accurate than Pimpmunk's impression of himself. They also had a segment in which they had the YouTube Chat ask Pimpmunk any variety of questions. They eventually managed to get Pimpmunk to rap a few verses right off the top of his dome. When Eggtits showed up on camera for the first time (on DP, not Egghead's channel), TJ claimed he would fuck her before going for Pimpmunk in a wig.
"Jenny's got a cooch you could fit a double-wide trailer in."— Pimp's take on Jenny McDermott
"I don't like pain."— Pimpmunk to Paul
"Fuck the audience!"— Pimpmunk on episode 200.
"She's a cunt!"— Pimp's accurate assessment of Jaclyn during episode 200.
- During episode 193, the peasants revealed Pimpmunk was dumbfounded when Scotty discarded a perfectly good pizza.
- He's held a fundraiser event for Galen. The hangout featured several people from the DP community, including Ben.
- He's got "hardwood floors".
- He has three testicles, as revealed by Paul on episode 300.
- He has made out with Paul. Drunken Peasants fans believe this to be the third most beautiful thing to ever happen, the second being bananagate, and the first being 9/11.
- He was also betrayed by Jaclyn Glenn, despite the fact that he was one of the very few who defended her. He has also demonstrated to be a better person than Jaclyn Glenn at every possible turn.
- He is also good friends with Tommy From The Bronx.
- He is the head of the Pimpmunk Show, a longer, low key version of the peasants' show, this show Is recognized by most for being the location of Galen's fundraising event. And He is usually accompanied by: Tommy From The Bronx, Shayrah, Sketchy White Dude, and other low lifes.
- He hates the movie King Ralph, and will get mad if someone brings it up in his livestreams, the reason for this is unknown
- This sentient mixture of lard and shit has his own wiki. Holy fucking balls.
- His spirit animal is a catfish.
- He smokes about 3 and a half packs of cigguras a day.
- TJ has said that Pimpmunk is uglier than Brett Keane, but people don't notice it because Brett is pure fucking evil and Pimpmunk is cool.
- On February 2nd, 2016, a video Pimpmunk made, titled "The Rape of Pimpmunk", was featured on TJ's channel.
- He has appeared on a few episodes of Highpothesis.
- He likes big black asses.
- The New And Improved Drunken Peasants
- Episode 200
- Episode 242
- Episode 287
- Episode 300
- Episode 344
- Episode 365
|The Joseph Martelli Saga|
|Stalkers||Tommy From The Bronx • Drunken Peasants • Brett Keane • NowhereMan • Pimpmunkx|
|Episodes||56 • 57 • 203 • 208 • 213 • 217 • 227 • 246 • 256 • 351|