|Paul seen during the 2016 Toledo meetup. Photography by Aerial.|
April 1st, 1980
Not making the goddamn answers video.
Paul, Paul, round as a ball.
I'm trying to change the world by complaining. And passing out hugs. Sometimes words matter as much as actions.
I never stopped doing the show. I live the show. Every second of every day of my life, is like an episode of the Drunken Peasants.
PaulsEgo is a YouTuber and official Brett Keane historian that serves as the fourth co-host of the Drunken Peasants. Essentially a shorter and fatter TJ, Paul has garnered renown among the community for whole-cloth being an eternally stoned yet lovable piece of human garbage with a knack for story-telling. His long running popularity as a guest led to him becoming a regular on every Friday show beginning with episode 151. After being fisted live on the podcast during episode 200, he was formally deemed a host of the show in the same vein as TJ, Ben and Scotty.
I just can't believe that anyone could dislike Paul, on any level.
Paul is well known for his self deprecation (there's plenty of material for that), unenthusiastic resignation to pessimism, having one eye higher on his face than the other, and as a result Paul is known to be the ugliest man in the visible universe (visible is debatable). They say that if you see his face in real life, you get turned into dog shit. Paul then eats the dog shit. All this is entirely factual, yet he still somehow remains the greatest guest and host in the show's history. Paul's Ego is the most outspoken detractor of Brett Keane among the hosts, describing himself as a "Brett Keane historian" of sorts.
Paul's storied past has led to him becoming an eloquent storyteller, with the other peasants often sending him threats of rape and pillage whenever he doesn't tell one on the show. He is also a very sore loser and has sold entire games after being beaten by his friends at the game. Despite this, he has expressed a longtime appreciation of video games as a form of art and immersive way to tell a story. He is a fan of Mass Effect, Fallout, Diablo and other, similar, RPGs.
Politically, Paul has described himself as a socialist or a democratic socialist in the past, though he no longer thinks this way. He has more recently called himself a globalist as described in detail during episode 290 & episode 294. Paul finds that the world would be better off without borders or currency, believing humanity would accomplish more in a collective effort for technological singularity that would allow humanity to colonize space instead of dying on a lonely planet when a supernova hits. Paul has said on the political compass he leans more to the authoritarian left than the rest of the peasants, who consider themselves more libertarian left.
Paul has an irrational hatred of Native Americans. He claims they are "niggers that never took a trip on a boat". Every person who has every been on the show, whether guest or panelist, has agreed with this statement. Scotty has even taken this a step further, citing the fact that Native Americans were not eradicated by European settlers as one of the greatest failures of organized religion.
Paul's Ego was formed when all the white guilt in the world manifested into one person. Paul has been through a fuckton of interesting and crazy shit, which provides plenty of crazy stories that he's shared with his audience. When he was 8 he was abducted by aliens, and when he was 6 he and his friend shoved a toy screwdriver deep up his asshole. Paul was a troll before the internet, where he would annoy truckdrivers around his hometown over a CB Radio. When he was 15-16, he LARPed (Live Action Role Play) before in a vampire LARPing event taking place at some big-ass mansion. A year later, at the same mansion, he went to a party that was suspiciously full of friendly people, the party quickly turned into a sex/BDSM/long fingernails/orgy party. The story was originally told in one of his old videos, though he gave live rendition at the 2016 Toledo meetup.
Paul a was member of a band during his youth, Apple Nasty. Their songs were mostly about the obscene, sang in a style comparable to that of a prepubescent Sex Twister. His songs have been featured on the show before, proving Paul was fucking hilarious even in his youth. Paul commented that pan use inspired the idea to start the band.
Paul sexually and physically abused himself with a hamburger one night after being thrown out of his job at Blockbuster for secretly putting in midget banana porn in the DVD cases. He was also sick from mononucleosis, herpes, AIDS, hepatitis, explosive diarrhea, Jowlitis and worst of all, Swamp Taint. He gained this disease from making out with a tranny faggot furry brony. He then went home and beat his sister to near death with his burger. There was once an incident in which Paul told a friend to shave his balls, which resulted in the dude cutting open his own nutsack.
At the age of 20 years old, Paul had a big as fuck cyst on his butt cheeks (this was revealed on episode 154). The cyst felt like an extra asshole. The cyst eventually exploded covering his entire house with shit, blood, puss, and other unknown fluids. Paul was out of commission for several months. The story was so disgusting that the Drunken Peasants were horrified and they ended the show.
Started in 2007, PaulsEgo was traditionally a channel used by Paul to express his political and religious views. He once claimed that he had discussed religion so much on his channel, that he could happily go to his grave never having spoken about it again. Throughout the years, the channel has also hosted gameplay videos, Google Hangouts, Q&As, and more. By frequent admission of TJ, Paul is very well spoken and articulate in the videos he actually has uploaded. The other peasants have many times expressed a desire to see Paul return to making YouTube videos.
As of 2015, Paul rarely uses the channel and instead gets most of his exposure through the Drunken Peasants, though he has made the occasional video when inspired, including one watching Jaclyn Glenn's SJW horseshit. When asked about starting his own podcast, Paul commented that there is no point since he is already a regular member of the greatest podcast known to humanity. However, Paul has more recently considered making a new channel where he discusses creepypasta and other horror-themed content. Another channel shared between him and the other peasants based on Highdeas is also in the works.
On Drunken Peasants
Prior to becoming a formal host on the show, Paul had appeared many times on the podcast (seen below) as a fan-favorite recurring guest, notably in the religion debates between the Drunken Peasants and Keane's posse. He was for a long time considered best candidate for a fourth permanent member of the show (which would later come true) as he consistently scored as the fan's number one favorite guest in official DP polls. Paul was eventually announced to be a regular guest on Friday shows following a series of increasing appearances, starting with Episode 151. After being fisted in live on episode 200, he was formally made a host on the podcast. He became an in-studio guest starting with episode 293, shortly following the other peasants' move to Washington. Ever since being sworn in officially as a peasant, the other hosts more often like to take the piss out of Paul for the entertainment of the audience. Paul is also the center of his own segment, Storytime with Paul.“
- Paul's Ego: All he's gotta do is come over here and suck my fucking dick and all will forgiven. What do you say, Jim? Blowjob to bridge to gasp?
- Jim Ass: Fireball Z.
Paul has established a more personal beef with some of the show's antagonists and is often the first to call someone out. For example, Paul is by far the most well-versed in the long history of bullshit from Brett Keane and is usually the most confrontational of him when the show is live. He had a particularly large role in the Brett Keane saga and is usually present when the peasants review a Keane video. Another example of his cruelty is how Paul once tried to rape The Vigilant Christian by asking him questions in an attempt to disprove and attack the Vigilant Christian's personal worldview in such a way that he never wants to be on another episode featuring Paul ever again (appropriate for a whiny bitch like Mario). Paul is also well-established for having serious disagreements with Milo Yiannopoulos, so much so that Milo also refused to appear a second time on the podcast because of their differences.
Paul and Jim Ass have been sworn enemies ever since meeting each other on the podcast. Paul talked shit about Jim Ass and said that he came across as "loud and abusive". Jim was greatly offended (which is the worst thing you can do) and in turn started talking shit about Paul. Paul and Jim then had an epic battle filled with blood and guts. Paul attacked Jim with his planet-busting jowls. Jim drank too much and threw up on Paul. Being that Paul's power comes from being the fattest man in universe, it had minimal effect. The battle lasted for several minutes and ended with the two getting high on pan.
"When I give food to the poor, they call me a saint. When I ask why the poor have no food, they call me a communist." -Hélder Câmara— A quote on Paul's Ego's Tumblr.
I feel like I've said everything I really want to say about religion, I could literally go to my grave and never have another discussion with a young Earth creationist.— Paul during a Q&A.
There's a time when you need to disengage. It's kinda like a kid that has an imaginary friend, it's relatively normal for kids to have imaginary friends, but at a certain point you stop indulging them in talking about their imaginary friends.— Paul's Ego on trying to change religious views..
“— Part of Paul's rap.
Hot chick with a package?— Paul's Ego in a nutshell.
On Drunken Peasants
Don't quote me boy cuz I ain't said shit!— Paul on people misquoting him, during episode 167.
I have a question about the fan art: why does everyone make me look like a motherfucking bull frog?— Paul's response to the "Ugly Paul" art contest.
I'm Paul's Ego, I'm a fat internet atheist.
Don't stone me for this pun, but it's HIGH time...— typical Paul joke.
Ooga Booga!— Paul's Ego being a terrible racist.
Did someone say 'True Scotsman'?— Paul assuming his true form.
That chick that was ranting and raving, about what the fuck ever she was ranting and raving about. Did you straight up say she had a horse face?— Paul amused at TJ making fun of Jenny McDermott.
I would knock the bottom out of Gail, dude.— Paul tries to fuck Gail.
Dude, I would defile a Gail sex robot; you don't wanna know what I would do. I would cover it in hypoallergenic honey, like organic honey, and let fire ants eat it and fuck it while the fire ants were biting it.— Springtime for Paul
...I dug up my children and put them on your front yard, can i get my 25,000$ now?..— Paul's Ego talks about a SandyHook denialist.
Gee, I've never been a nigga before!— Paul joking with Tim Black after receiving his black card during episode 151.
It never ends with Brett. He's the perpetual, endless fucking victim. I don't know how you could ever not love this guy. He is so unaware of his own fucking absurdity. The existence of him is a fucking standing refutation to humanity's worth.— Paul, about the Brett Keane situation.
Oh, Brett's leaving. That's fine because I can't stand to hear him bloviate anymore. Yeah, that's fine. Go take a shit, Brett. Go dunk your fucking head in the toilet and flush it until you pass out, you piece of fucking garbage... anyway!
I see a little silhouette of mac n' cheese. Scada-moosh, scada-moosh. Dorn, you better get cookin'!
If she, don't feed you, don't feed you, you may have to punch-her-face!
Thunder, thunder, lightning, black guys are so frightening. Galileo, Galileo, Galileo, Galileo, Galileo was a god-believer situation!
All it takes for me is a warm body, basically.
Scotty. You better start closing and locking your fucking bedroom at night, dude. I can just see him waking up in the middle of the night cuz he heard something. He's like "Hello, who's there?"
The last thing Scotty hears is... THE EGGHEAD SHOW
I just walk up to a man and grab him by the dick.
Back when we were in college, we were the best of friends. We went our separate ways and I forgot what he was about.. but then.
I found out at some point, that his life hit the skids. Now he's dating a butter troll that slaps up on some kids.
What happened to Egghead?— Paul's song about Egghead on episode 284.
I feel like im the clog of the Drunken Peasants drain system.
- Paul: You're a shit-sandwhich, Brett.
- TJ: ...and everyday is another bite.— TJ and Paul during episode 290.
One if by land, two if by sea. Three is for the manatee!
Until the fat lady sings, tonight. So chill with us and smoke a joint. Watch the world burn.
The fat brown buffalo is about to commit suicide live on TV.— PaulsEgo on TYT during episode 295.
Looking at Scotty and I don't see a beat of sweet on his brow. He's not worried!— Paul at the start of episode 295 mere hours before Trump won.
I like doggy-situation. I like missionary-individual.
Woah guys! Welcome to Highdeas! My name's PaulsEgo! We're totally gonna get stoned and talk about stuff that affects teens! Hey, you having trouble with your dad? Let me take a puff on this doobie! Heres what you do, talk to him like an adult, bro!
That's not what's going on, Chris!— Paul doing what FakeSagan believes him to actually do.
- TJ: I've become a centrist by default, as both sides have lost their collective minds.
- Paul: Fuck centrism. I won't be chased out of the left.
- TJ: I still identify as liberal. I mean that I feel like a centrist now because many have moved to extremist positions.
- Paul: Understandable. I feel it's incumbent upon us sane leftists to be vocal and visible.— TJ and Paul over Twitter
Dude that I was rude too because I got distracted in the middle of your story: sorry. Alcohol is a helluva drug.— Paul following the 2016 New Orleans meetup.
"Just last night. I was beatin my wife Dorn. Come tomorrow. Tj's channel will be Gorn" - Eagle Eye Keane— Paul's wisdom as a Brett Keane historian.
Hillary is officially nominated. The crowd chants "Bernie". Democracy in action.— Paul's take on the DNC.
- Zeego the Hutt (by Drunken Peasants)
- Mr. Mac n' Cheese Situation (by Brett Keane)
- Pennywise (by TJ)
- Globalist Paul (by adoring fans)
- Snorlax (by Ashley)
- Anecdotal Paul
- Paulpatine (during episode 294)
- He is most often found wearing a pair of aviators, this is because his eyes are very sensitive to bright light including the computer screen.
- Ben hosted a "Draw Ugly Paul's Ego" contest as one of the first DP art competitions.
- He loves chili dogs.
- He is currently in a relationship with his thirteen-year-old bride, AshleysEgo.
- Paul is an atheist with a very similar personal philosophy to TJ, although they have come into conflict in the past.
- Paul despises Skype.
- He is well known for his Highdeas.
- Paul's fisting was predicted by TJ during episode 28.
- Paul has a renowned work ethic, as he has never been unemployed for more than a month since he was sixteen years old.
- Paul and TJ were once hostile to each other, but TJ bribed Paul and they became friends.
- A Paul-hater sent a Troll or Not a Troll question to Drunken Peasants. TJ deemed him a troll as he couldn't believe anyone could dislike Paul that much.
- Paul is currently the only peasant to live outside of Washington, instead currently living in Texas with his girlfriend due to having ties. It's planned for Paul to eventually move up to Seattle around the rest of the peasants.
- Paul is against the death penalty, describing it as "a barbaric vestige" of a time long past.
- He is extremely fat and weighs more than TJ (Yes, it is possible to be fatter than TJ)
- Paul is looking forward to Ben's death according to the Episode 100 preshow.
- For whatever reason, it was on his bucket list to get a raging boner live on the show.
- He has masturbated to Hillary Clinton.
- Paul is a huge fan of Trent Reznor.
- Rumor has it that he ate the banana that TJ stuck up his ass.
- Paul has been a Ben apologist from the very start.
- His shirt size is XXXL 
- During episode 143 it is revealed that Paul can rap pretty well for a white guy.
- Paul is the greatest when his nipple is tweaked and when he tweaks other nipples.
- Paul has a highly infectious disease called, "Swamp Taint"
- Paul is religiously devoted to calling pancakes 'flapjacks.'
- Not even Commander Shepherd of Mass Effect wants to fuck him.
- TJ has considered Paul an articulate storyteller since 2011.
- He and The Vigilant Christian are now sworn enemies.
- He once believed in Scientology.
- His favorite video game of all time is Diablo.
- He shares a first name with his father, making him a Paul Jr.
- Paul worships the god known as Ooga Booga. He sacrifices children to Ooga Booga every day, then eats the dead children.
- Paul is so fat that he is considered a four dimensional object. As such, the true nature of his fatness cannot be comprehended at this point in scientific knowledge.
- Paul comes from an Irish background.
- Paul grew up with five sisters.
- Paul has a torpedo dick, but he is so fat that his gut covers it and makes it look small.
- Paul gets raped by Xenomorphs daily.
- Monkey King Bambina forces Paul to lick his balls every night.
- The New And Improved Drunken Peasants featured Bohemian Situation, a rendition of songs sang by Paul during in celebration of Evan LeFavor's 30th birthday. The songs were completely original with no noticeable influences from pop culture, some band from the United Kingdom later tried to plagiarize the song, until Keane's votebots scared them away.
- Paul is 1/128th Italian. His great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great grandfather, Paulus Zigo, founded the Jesuit order.
- Paul engaged Scotty in a drinking contest during the private show for April of 2016.
- Paul is the second coming of Jesus Christ, and often assists our hero Gail Chord Schuler in stopping millions of Jesuit rapists every day via Skype.
- Being on the Drunken Peasants has helped Paul overcome his depression. He further states that no matter what happens with him with the peasants going forward, he will always be grateful for that.
- Paul smokes pan almost everyday, but will sometimes take a tolerance break.
- Paul formerly resided in the Californian conservative shithole of Fresno. He has since moved to Texas to live with his girlfriend, AshleysEgo.
- Paul is possibly responsible for the murder of a truckers wife (seriously).
- TJ threatened to fist Paul's asshole with goat cheese during Episode 198.
- Paul walks with a self-described hunched over and dejected demeanor.
- Paul frequently hangs out in the DP Discord Server, where he plays salty games of Smite & Heroes of the Storm with Fancy Badger.
- Paul was banned on said Discord Server by the Egghead because the mods fucked up and promoted a random hack fraud impersonating Shithead. This impersonator now goes by the name ShamHead.
- Pauls' beard is considered to have orgasmic properties.
As a Guest
- Episode 17
- Episode 23
- Episode 28
- Episode 36
- Episode 37
- Episode 52
- Episode 61
- Episode 100
- Episode 115
- Episode 116
- Episode 143
- Episode 146
- Episode 148
- Episode 150
As a Friday Regular
- Episode 151
- Episode 154
- Episode 157
- Episode 160
- Episode 163
- Episode 165
- Episode 166
- Episode 167
- Episode 170
- Episode 173
- Episode 176
- Episode 179
- Episode 181
- Episode 184
- New and Improved
- Episode 190
- Episode 192
- Episode 193
- Episode 196
- Episode 197
- Episode 198
- Episode 199
As a Host
- Episode 200
- Episode 201
- Episode 202
- Episode 203
- Episode 205
- Episode 206
- Episode 207
- Episode 208
- Episode 209
- Episode 210
- Episode 211
- Episode 212
- Episode 213
- Episode 214
- Episode 216
- Episode 217
- Episode 218
- Episode 219
- Episode 220
- Episode 221
- Episode 222
- Episode 223
- Episode 224
- Episode 225
- Episode 226
- Episode 227
- Episode 228
- Episode 229
- Episode 230
- Episode 231
- Episode 232
- Episode 233
- Episode 234
- Episode 235
- Episode 236
- Episode 237
- Episode 238
- Episode 239
- Episode 240
- Episode 241
- Episode 242
- Episode 243
- Episode 244
- Episode 245
- Episode 246
- Episode 248
- Episode 249
- Episode 250
- Episode 251
- Episode 252
- Episode 253
- Episode 254
- Episode 255
- Episode 256
- Episode 257
- Episode 258
- Episode 259
- Episode 260
- Episode 261
- Episode 262
- Episode 263
- Episode 264
- Episode 265
- Episode 266
- Episode 267
- Episode 268
- Episode 269
- Episode 270
- Episode 271
- Episode 272
- Episode 273
- Episode 274
- Episode 275
- Episode 276
- Episode 277
- Episode 278
- Episode 279
- Episode 280
- Episode 281
- Episode 282
- Episode 283
- Episode 284
- Episode 285
- Episode 286
- Episode 287
- Episode 288
- Episode 288.5
- Episode 290
- Episode 291
- Episode 292
- Episode 293
- Episode 294
- Episode 295
- Episode 296
- Episode 297
- Episode 298
- Episode 299
- Episode 300
- Episode 301