|Paul seen during the 2016 Toledo meetup. Photography by Aerial.|
April 1st, 1980
Not making the goddamn answers video.
Paul, Paul, round as a ball.
"I'm trying to change the world by complaining. And passing out hugs. Sometimes words matter as much as actions."
"I never stopped doing the show. I live the show. Every second of every day of my life, is like an episode of the Drunken Peasants."
Paul Parkey II is a YouTuber, film reviewer, and vlogger under the handle of PaulsEgo. He is a co-host of Drunken Peasants alongside Ben, TJ and Scotty. Paul has garnered renown among the fan community for whole-cloth being a stoned, lovable, piece of human garbage with a knack for story-telling and stage performance. He initially gained prominence on YouTube for his vlogging and he quickly became one of TJ's favorites despite getting into occasional disagreements. Years later, Paul had mostly retired from making content, until he was contacted by Ben who desired him to be a guest on the show.
His initial appearances were met with praise by fans of the show, with led to his return time and time again. His long running popularity as a guest led to him becoming a regular on every Friday show, until he was formally elevated to an official host live on the podcast. In March of 2017, he rebranded his old channel as Highdeology and began to use it once again for impromptu streams. During June of the same year, he started a new channel where he reviews movies, CinemaForCynics.
"I just can't believe that anyone could dislike Paul, on any level."
Paul is well known for his self deprecation (there's plenty of material for that), unenthusiastic resignation to pessimism, having one eye higher on his face than the other, and as a result Paul is known to be the ugliest man in the visible universe (visible is debatable). They say that if you see his face in real life, you get turned into dog shit. Paul then eats the dog shit. All this is entirely factual, yet he still somehow remains the greatest guest and host in the show's history. Paul's Ego is the most outspoken detractor of Brett Keane among the hosts, describing himself as a "Brett Keane historian" of sorts.
Paul's storied past has led to him becoming an eloquent storyteller, with the other peasants often sending him threats of rape and pillage whenever he doesn't tell one on the show. He is also a very sore loser and has sold entire games after being beaten by his friends at the game. Despite this, he has expressed a longtime appreciation of video games as a form of art and immersive way to tell a story. He is a fan of Mass Effect, Fallout, Diablo and other, similar, RPGs.
Politically, Paul has described himself as a socialist or a democratic socialist in the past, though he no longer thinks this way. He has more recently called himself a globalist as described in detail during episode 290 & episode 294. Paul finds that the world would be better off without borders or currency, believing humanity would accomplish more in a collective effort for technological singularity that would allow humanity to colonize space instead of dying on a lonely planet when a supernova hits. Paul has said on the political compass he leans more to the authoritarian left than the rest of the peasants, who consider themselves more libertarian left.
Paul's Ego was formed when all the white guilt in the world manifested into one person. Paul has been through a fuckton of interesting and crazy shit, which provides plenty of stories that he's shared with his audience. When he was 8 he was abducted by aliens, and when he was 6 he and his friend shoved a toy screwdriver deep up his asshole. Paul was a troll before the internet, where he would annoy truckdrivers around his hometown over a CB Radio. When he was 15-16, he LARPed (Live Action Role Play) before in a vampire LARPing event taking place at some big-ass mansion. A year later, at the same mansion, he went to a party that was suspiciously full of friendly people, the party quickly turned into a sex/BDSM/long fingernails/orgy party. The story was originally told in one of his old videos, though he gave live rendition at the 2016 Toledo meetup.
Paul a was member of a band during his youth, Apple Nasty. Their songs were mostly about the obscene, sang in a style comparable to that of a prepubescent Sex Twister. His songs have been featured on the show before, proving Paul was fucking hilarious even in his youth. Paul commented that pan use inspired the idea to start the band.
Paul sexually and physically abused himself with a hamburger one night after being thrown out of his job at Blockbuster for secretly putting in midget banana porn in the DVD cases. He was also sick from mononucleosis, herpes, AIDS, hepatitis, explosive diarrhea, Jowlitis and worst of all, Swamp Taint. He gained this disease from making out with a tranny faggot furry brony. He then went home and beat his sister to near death with his burger. There was once an incident in which Paul told a friend to shave his balls, which resulted in the dude cutting open his own nutsack.
At the age of 20 years old, Paul had a massive pylonidal cyst on his butt cheeks (this was revealed on episode 154). Paul's cyst (nicknamed Ashley) felt like an extra asshole, with a holemthat doubled as a portal into the tangent universe from Donnie Darko. The cyst eventually exploded covering his entire house with shit, blood, puss, and other unknown fluids from the other side of the wormhole. Paul was out of commission for several months. The story was so disgusting that the Drunken Peasants were horrified and they ended the show.
Started in 2007, PaulsEgo was traditionally a channel used by Paul to express his political and religious views. He once claimed that he had discussed religion so much on his channel, that he could happily go to his grave never having spoken about it again. Throughout the years, the channel has also hosted gameplay videos, Google Hangouts, Q&As, and more. By frequent admission of TJ, Paul is very well spoken and articulate in the videos he actually has uploaded. The other peasants have many times expressed a desire to see Paul return to making YouTube videos.
As of 2015, Paul rarely used the channel and instead got most of his exposure through the Drunken Peasants, though he has made the occasional video when inspired, including one watching Jaclyn Glenn's SJW horseshit. When asked about starting his own podcast, Paul commented that there is no point since he is already a regular member of the greatest podcast known to humanity. However, Paul has more recently considered making a new channel where he discusses creepypasta and other horror-themed content. Eventually, his channel was brought back for livestreams of Highdeology following Paul's frustration with Periscope being a resource hog, giving the channel new life to coincide with it's then upcoming tenth anniversary.
On Drunken Peasants
Prior to becoming a formal host on the show, Paul had appeared many times on the podcast (seen below) as a fan-favorite recurring guest, notably in the religion debates between the Drunken Peasants and Keane's posse. He was for a long time considered best candidate for a fourth permanent member of the show (which would later come true) as he consistently scored as the fan's number one favorite guest in official DP polls. Paul was eventually announced to be a regular guest on Friday shows following a series of increasing appearances, starting with episode 151. After being fisted in live on episode 200, he was formally made a host on the podcast. He became an in-studio guest starting with episode 293, shortly following the other peasants' move to Washington. Ever since being sworn in officially as a peasant, the other hosts more often like to take the piss out of Paul for the entertainment of the audience. Paul is also the center of his own segment, Storytime with Paul.
- Paul's Ego: All he's gotta do is come over here and suck my fucking dick and all will forgiven. What do you say, Jim? Blowjob to bridge to gasp?
- Jim Ass: Fireball Z.
Paul has established a more personal beef with some of the show's antagonists and is often the first to call someone out. For example, Paul is by far the most well-versed in the long history of bullshit from Brett Keane and is usually the most confrontational of him when the show is live. He had a particularly large role in the Brett Keane saga and is usually present when the peasants review a Keane video. Another example of his cruelty is how Paul once tried to rape The Vigilant Christian by asking him questions in an attempt to disprove and attack the Vigilant Christian's personal worldview in such a way that he never wants to be on another episode featuring Paul ever again (appropriate for a whiny bitch like Mario). Paul is also well-established for having serious disagreements with Milo Yiannopoulos, so much so that Milo also refused to appear a second time on the podcast because of their differences.
Paul and Jim Ass have been sworn enemies ever since meeting each other on the podcast. Paul talked shit about Jim Ass and said that he came across as "loud and abusive". Jim was greatly offended (which is the worst thing you can do) and in turn started talking shit about Paul. Paul and Jim then had an epic battle filled with blood and guts. Paul attacked Jim with his planet-busting jowls. Jim drank too much and threw up on Paul. Being that Paul's power comes from being the fattest man in universe, it had minimal effect. The battle lasted for several minutes and ended with the two getting high on pan.
QuotesQuotes by PaulsEgo
"I feel like im the clog of the Drunken Peasants drain system."
"There's a time when you need to disengage. It's kinda like a kid that has an imaginary friend, it's relatively normal for kids to have imaginary friends, but at a certain point you stop indulging them in talking about their imaginary friends."— Paul's Ego on trying to change religious views.
"Woah guys! Welcome to Highdeas! My name's PaulsEgo! We're totally gonna get stoned and talk about stuff that affects teens! Hey, you having trouble with your dad? Let me take a puff on this doobie! Heres what you do, talk to him like an adult, bro! That's not what's going on, Chris!"— Paul doing what FakeSagan believes him to actually do.
"Scotty. You better start closing and locking your fucking bedroom at night, dude. I can just see him waking up in the middle of the night cuz he heard something. He's like "Hello, who's there?"
The last thing Scotty hears is... THE EGGHEAD SHOW"
"Until the fat lady sings, tonight. So chill with us and smoke a joint. Watch the world burn."
- Plumbo Pounder - He is a member of the New Paul Order and the enforcer of PaulsEgo's will, with Paul being his manager. His only appearance was during episode 307.
- True Scotsman - A Scottish character that PaulsEgo feels the need to portray whenever someone mentions the No True Scotsman. He can only be summoned by Paul if Ben plays bagpipes following a logical fallacy.
- Sir Eatsalot - He is a cream-faced loon than emerges following the mysterious disappearance of PaulsEgo during the Cutting the Fat segment of Drunken Peasants. He is a critic of Thomas James Kirk III, offering a profoundly noble perspective on Kirk's insipid debauchery.
- Zeego the Hutt (by Drunken Peasants)
- Mr. Mac n' Cheese Situation (by Brett Keane)
- Pennywise (by TJ)
- Globalist Paul (by adoring fans)
- Snorlax (by Ashley)
- Anecdotal Paul
- Paulpatine (during episode 294)
- In Eggs 2: Bricks 3, Paul was described by TJ as "Blubbagumtuous" to properly describe just how fat he was.
- He is most often found wearing a pair of aviators, this is because his eyes are very sensitive to bright light including the computer screen.
- Ben hosted a "Draw Ugly Paul's Ego" contest as one of the first DP art competitions.
- He loves chili dogs.
- He is currently in a relationship with his thirteen-year-old bride, AshleysEgo.
- Paul is an atheist with a very similar personal philosophy to TJ, although they have come into conflict in the past.
- Paul despises Skype.
- He is well known for his Highdeas.
- Paul's fisting was predicted by TJ during episode 28.
- Paul has a renowned work ethic, as he has never been unemployed for more than a month since he was sixteen years old.
- Paul and TJ were once hostile to each other, but TJ bribed Paul and they became friends.
- A Paul-hater sent a Troll or Not a Troll question to Drunken Peasants. TJ deemed him a troll as he couldn't believe anyone could dislike Paul that much.
- Paul is against the death penalty, describing it as "a barbaric vestige" of a time long past.
- He is extremely fat and used to weigh more than TJ (Yes, it is possible to be fatter than TJ).
- Paul is looking forward to Ben's death according to the Episode 100 preshow.
- For whatever reason, it was on his bucket list to get a raging boner live on the show.
- He has masturbated to Hillary Clinton.
- Paul is a huge fan of Trent Reznor.
- Rumor has it that he ate the banana that TJ stuck up his ass.
- Paul has been a Ben apologist from the very start.
- His shirt size is XXXL 
- During episode 143 it is revealed that Paul can rap pretty well for a white guy.
- Paul is the greatest when his nipple is tweaked and when he tweaks other nipples.
- Paul has a highly infectious disease called, "Swamp Taint"
- Paul is religiously devoted to calling pancakes 'flapjacks.'
- Not even Commander Shepherd of Mass Effect wants to fuck him.
- TJ has considered Paul an articulate storyteller since 2011.
- He and The Vigilant Christian are now sworn enemies.
- He once believed in Scientology.
- His favorite video game of all time is Diablo.
- He shares a first name with his father, making him a Paul Jr.
- Paul worships the god known as Ooga Booga. He sacrifices children to Ooga Booga every day, then eats the dead children.
- Paul is so fat that he is considered a four dimensional object. As such, the true nature of his fatness cannot be comprehended at this point in scientific knowledge.
- Paul comes from an Irish background.
- Paul grew up with five sisters.
- Paul has a torpedo dick, but he is so fat that his gut covers it and makes it look small.
- Paul gets raped by Xenomorphs daily.
- Monkey King Bambina forces Paul to lick his balls every night.
- The New And Improved Drunken Peasants featured Bohemian Situation, a rendition of songs sang by Paul during in celebration of Evan LeFavor's 30th birthday. The songs were completely original with no noticeable influences from pop culture, some band from the United Kingdom later tried to plagiarize the song, until Keane's votebots scared them away.
- Paul is 1/128th Italian. His great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great grandfather, Paulus Zigo, founded the Jesuit order.
- Paul engaged Scotty in a drinking contest during the private show for April of 2016.
- Paul is the second coming of Jesus Christ, and often assists our hero Gail Chord Schuler in stopping millions of Jesuit rapists every day via Skype.
- Being on the Drunken Peasants has helped Paul overcome his depression. He further states that no matter what happens with him with the peasants going forward, he will always be grateful for that.
- Paul smokes pan almost everyday, but will sometimes take a tolerance break.
- Paul formerly resided in the Californian conservative shithole of Fresno. He has since moved to Texas to live with his girlfriend, AshleysEgo.
- Paul is possibly responsible for the murder of a truckers wife (seriously).
- TJ threatened to fist Paul's asshole with goat cheese during episode 198.
- During episode 268, Paul suggested hosting a hangout in place of Drunken Peasants where all he does is play bagpipe music.
- Paul walks with a self-described hunched over and dejected demeanor.
- Paul frequently hangs out in the DP Discord Server, where he plays salty games of Smite & Heroes of the Storm with Fancy Badger.
- Paul's beard is considered to have orgasmic properties.
- Paul has an irrational hatred of Native Americans. He claims they are "niggers that never took a trip on a boat". Every person who has every been on the show, whether guest or panelist, has agreed with this statement. Scotty has even taken this a step further, citing the fact that Native Americans were not eradicated by European settlers as one of the greatest failures of organized religion.
- He made an appearance on Creationist Cat's channel in a video regarding if gays can be TRUE Christians.
- As a child Paul's mantits were so huge he had surgery to get them removed.
- Paul claims to have dipped his balls in a chocolate fountain while at a wedding reception.
- He once tasted his own load, he claims accidentally.
- TJ and Paul once had gay buttsex while watching the Scooby Doo movie.
- Episode 17
- Episode 23
- Episode 28
- Episode 36
- Episode 37
- Episode 52
- Episode 61
- Episode 100
- Episode 115
- Episode 116
- Episode 143
- Episode 146
- Episode 148
- Episode 150
- Episode 151
- Episode 154
- Episode 157
- Episode 160
- Episode 163
- Episode 165
- Episode 166
- Episode 167
- Episode 170
- Episode 173
- Episode 176
- Episode 179
- Episode 181
- Episode 184
- New and Improved
- Episode 190
- Episode 192
- Episode 193
- Episode 196
- Episode 197
- Episode 198
- Episode 199
- Episode 200
- (Paul is present on every episode after since becoming a host, with special cases)