Jim Ass

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Jimbo Assburgers
Ass-king to be on the show
Ass-king to be on the show
Personal Details
Profession
  • Giver of money
  • Owner/Founder of Jimassic Park
Religion
  • Self-Worshipism
  • Dinoaurism
Age

12 (mental age)

Birth place

BULLPUSS!

Residence

TJ's Ass

Status

Blowing Ben so he can be on the show again.

Social Networking
Youtube channel

BULL PUSS!

Physical attributes
Eye colour

BULL PUSS!

Hair colour

BULL PUSS!

I paid money.

— Jim's catchphrase

BULLPUSS, FIREBALL Z! JUDAS PRIEST!

— A few of Jim's many words of wisdom

Jim "The Absolute Madman" Ass (full name James Asserton) is a talking ass featured on several episodes of the Drunken Peasants. He was first allowed to come on the show in exchange for $10,000. He has to pay an additional $10,000 added on each time, alongside sexual favours in order to continue his appearances on the show. He is identified by his distinctive, smooth voice reminiscent of MacCready from Fallout 4.

On Drunken Peasants

Unlike most Patreon guests, he's actually fucking interesting. He is sometimes known to do large amounts of illicit substances (via enema, of course). He is also one of the few people to realize that The Vigilant Christian is responsible for every Illuminati video known to man, as the Vigilant Christian runs the Illuminati. Jim made his debut on episode 103 and garnered a fair amount of popularity among the fanbase. His appearance mostly consisted of him roasting The Vigilant Christian and giving the audience a constant reminder that he paid a large sum of cash in order to appear on the show and touch our eardrums with his sensual and mending voice. Unknown at the time, this would set the tone for every appearance Jim made in the future.

Episode 137

Jim made his second appearance during episode 137, throughout the length of the episode he constantly interrupted the hosts and spoke out. More often than not, Jim could be found yelling incoherently about his admiration of Mao Zedong and other great communist minds. The hosts, too intoxicated to give a fuck about it, just gave and and joined the fun. Many fans who watched the episode agreed that Jim Ass ruined the show, but others argue he was the catalyst for one of the greatest episodes of DP.

Mystery of Jim A

You're not The Vigilant Christian, you're The Vigilant Fraud!

— Jim A

Episode 148 revealed Jim A, the genius mind who revealed to the world that The Diligent Christian Mario was in fact at the very top of the Satanic Illuminati. He's an ass. His name is Jim. This is by no means Jim Ass. This is Jim A. He was also the first to pronounce the word illuminati correctly, saying: LLLOOMINATI. He appeared on DP briefly but was kicked off when Mario signaled his Illuminati connections by calling him a troll. It is unknown if Jim A survived the attack by Mario's Illuminati Agents, but he's worked his way out of harder jams in the past.

Episode 170

Jim returned a few months later for episode 170, in which he had a pissing contest with Paul's Ego throughout the whole episode. Jim Ass was making satircal jokes and Paul was yelling at his childish, drunken antics. After having his beautiful "dinoaur" painting insulted by Paul's Ego, Jim went into a rage and threatened to fuck Paul in the ass with a frozen swordfish. Jim was eventually revealed to be part of the Drunken Peasants' new "Outreach to the Mentally Fucked" guest program and commented that Paul was obligated to compliment his drawings.

Episode 173

On episode 173 the peasants played a video called Uber driver attacked by passenger. During the video a drunk Taco Bell executive beats his Uber driver because poor people don't have rights. Due to the man's inaudible drunken ramblings, the Peasants suspected that the man was in fact their very own Jim Ass. The theory also explains Ass' huge influx of money, in order to pay for his constant appearances.

Episode 200

On episode 200, Jim Ass accidentally forgot to change his Skype name back to Jim A. Under his profile picture, it says "Mitchell," which may or may not be his real name. He also revealed a photo of his beloved Dinoaur devouring PaulsEgo.

Episode 215

Jim appeared drunk off his ass as usual alongside Egghead on episode 215. He appeared out of nowhere seemingly with the sole of intent to destroy Renetto and his desperate attention-whoring methods. He completely overshadowed Egghead while on the show despite some technical issues halfway through. During the episode he boldly claimed that the voting age was eighteen because it is nine multiplied by two. He was aroused by Gail Chord Schuler's spontaneous mention of a massive horse cock during one of her books.

Episode 235

He finally appeared again for episode 235, the peasants encouraged him to act as a meatshield against the impending wrath of Joseph Martelli.

Episode 255

Jim Ass introduced his "wife", Jane Ass, and showed a "picture" of his dog, Snowpuss.

Episode 272

Jim Ass noticed the puking dog in the ԀP Action News intro and decided to promote it for president.

Visiting Washington

Jim made his long-awaited reappearance for episode 310, serving as an in-studio guest at their new fourth studio in Washington and finally meeting his rival PaulsEgo in the flesh. In a surprising turn of fates, Jim and Paul got into nothing more than a few verbal brawls during the episode when Paul totally insulted his dog, Snowpus.[1] Jim's very presence seemed to cause distrust and unease among the peasants, leading to a full out brawl between TJ and Paul, and later Scotty with TJ. In the end, Jim launched forth a slew of everyone's favorite mems in attempt to give the entire audience what they came for.

Episode 362

Jim Ass returned to the show to discuss the recent drama between Dusty Smith and the peasants. He stayed on for the rest of the show.

Quotes

Did you say that it was woofully underfunded?

— Jim's pun on Puking Dog's campaign.[2]

Trivia

  • It's not his fault.
  • Jim has expressed distaste that Puking Dog is not featured of the White House podium of DP Action News.
  • Apparently he shows up whenever he wants to, a true professional.
  • Only Ben has a direct form of contact to Jim Ass.
  • The peasants claim he is over seven feet tall.
  • Paul has compared him to the Fonzie of DP. Ayyy, bullpuss![3]
  • He has seen a canine turn into a non-canine without using faith, finally refuting G Man's bullshit.
  • He paid a shit ton of money.
  • Ben hates Jim Ass, just like everyone else.
  • He apparently acts exactly like he does on the show while he's off the show.
  • The hosts prefer Nexus over him. They also prefer chlamydia.
  • Jim Ass appeared on the new and improved DP where T-shirts of his masterpiece Dinoaur were announced. Jim Ass continued with his normal bullshit throughout. He was seemingly less drunk than usual and even made a reasonable statement about the phobia society has towards GMOs.
  • The hosts demanded that Jim be erased from the records due to a racist statement of his against the Inuit people.
  • Jim Ass sexy wife's name is named Jane Ass.
  • Did we mention he claimed to have paid money?
  • Headphone users may go deaf listening to him. It's worth it.
  • He paid an assload of money twice at least three or four times.
  • His autistic outbursts are actually subconscious references to obscure Vagilant Blumpkin quotes, such as Fireball Z™[1]. This could mean that Jim has been brainwashed by Mario's Illuminati propaganda.
  • Pan is the only thing on earth that makes Jim Ass tolerable to the peasants. Without It he is nothing.
  • His shirt is insanely successful.

Gallery

Appearances

References

  1. https://youtu.be/aj6jkXqQ2VY?t=10m45s
  2. https://youtu.be/aj6jkXqQ2VY?t=12m
  3. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YlzfdH1KMS4