Jesus Christ

From Drunken Peasants Wiki
Jump to: navigation, search
Jesus Christ
Holy Boner.jpg
Personal Details
Profession
  • Messiah / Prophet
  • Son of God/God in flesh/God incarnate.
Religion

Judaism

Age

2016

Birth place

Nazareth

Father

God

Residence

Nonexistence

Status

Burning in Hell for your sins Chilling in heaven and smoking pan

Social Networking
Youtube channel

The Amazing Atheist

Physical attributes
Eye colour

Blue

Hair colour

Blonde

"
I am the way, the truth and the light. Sike! Got em nigga!
"
— Jesus Christ
"
If you love Gail like I do, you should purchase a copy of her amazing book at Amazon.com
"
— Jesus Christ

Jesus Christ is the central figure of Christianity (He is also present as a prophet or some other religious figure in other religions such as Islam, Bahá'í Faith, etc.). According to Evanists, Evan Lefavor is the biological father of Jesus Christ.

Description

He is the son of God spontaneously born among brown folk to some virgin because a wizard did it. When he got older, he preached a bunch of shit about God to everyone around him misinterpreted. Eventually Jesus was crucified for being a massive kike. He now resides in Heaven with his legion of twelve salad-tossers while people on Earth try to guilt-trip people into his shitty spiritual contract.

A lesser known fact is that Jesus Christ is actually a suitor to Gail Chord Schuler, despite not residing on the Church of Gail.

On Drunken Peasants

Despite what Brett Keane would tell you, the peasants barely go in-depth about religion despite being frequently labeled an atheist podcast of Jesus-haters by his posse. It was revealed during episode 278 that one of Brett Keane's five hangout rules is not shit-talking Jesus, which means you can talk about his water-headed children all you want, as long as the Lord's name isn't used in vain.

On Amazing Atheist

TJ has obviously made a fuckton of videos with Jesus' name in the title, being that he's a central part of the Christian faith.

Trivia

  • Mormons claim he was born in good old 'Merica.
  • He will soon bring his people back to Heaven with him in the Rapture.
  • He not only wrote the Constitution, but rubbed his testicles on it.
  • Jesus is a Mob Boss, who demands 50% of all earnings or else he will throw down with you.
  • Jesus is white, anyone who says otherwise has white guilt.
  • Jesus Christ is so loving that he gives people cancer and disease.
  • Fourteen of TJ's videos contain the word "Jesus" in the title.
  • Jesus can sometimes give off a Homo vibe.
  • Jesus is not a cockblocker.

Image Gallery

Video Gallery

Sneak In The Jesus!
Jesus Is Aquaman
Jesus is a Scumbag
I Hate Religion, And Jesus Too
STOMP ON JESUS!
Jesus Came to Your House
Punch People For Jesus
Did Jesus Have a Wife? Also, Who The Hell Cares?
JESUS MARRIAGE?
Jesus: Miracles Fail
Legalize Drugs, Outlaw Jesus
Drunk For Jesus! - Churches Offer Free Beer
Jesus Blows and So Does Bill Higgins!
Is Miley Cyrus the new Jesus Christ? (ANSWERS)
Son of God - Trailer Review

A Journey

JesusChris.jpg

References