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The Illuminati
Scotty swearing allegiance to the Illuminati.
Scotty swearing allegiance to the Illuminati.

Adam Weishaupt



Date of Foundation

May 1, 1776


Opposition to superstition and religious influence.

Number of Adherents

Every rich, white guy in the world


The Enlightened Ones

The Illuminati is an organization of German masochists who are hell-bent on world domination. Scotty is a proud member of the Illuminati, and manipulates everyone affiliated in any way with the Drunken Peasants, including TJ. Within the Illuminati is the IllumiScotty, a faction ruled by the evil, despotic Kaiser, whose mission is to sap the world of all joy and happiness. Scotty became president of the IllumiScotty in 1971, after winning an election against his arch rival Scotty Cena. Scotty has said on air that the Illuminati has made conspiracy theorist and village idiot, Jim Ass, its next target.  

The Illuminati is most frequently discussed on the show when videos from The Vigilant Christian are featured, alongside some other people seen during Crazy People. The esteemed gentleman sifts through volumes of mass media to find Illuminati symbolism, which makes no perfect sense because the Illuminati has brainwashed you all. 


Founded in 1776, their purpose is to incite social change by undermining the authority of established monarchs. Many people now believe that the Illuminati has survived since then and is manipulating people and world events on a massive scale. Illuminati International is the world's leading manufacturer of suicide pills and mass murder pills, which are used to medicate many millions of American consumers. They are also the leading provider of mind control chips that are implanted in every newborn. The top financial backers for the Illuminati are the Bilderberg Group, The Jesuits, the Koch Brothers, and the Freemasons. Illuminati symbols include triangles, circles, eyes, mirrors, rectangles, faces, water, air, giant lips, dildos, Scotty, credit card debt, anything that exists, and even herpetic Canadians who cry on camera.

Misconceptions of The Illuminati

  • The Illuminati was not a religious order as many believe it to be. It was an anti-religious, secular organization. It was based on the ideas of logic, skepticism, empiricism, and opposed to superstition, religion, and abuse of state power (which is somewhat ironic).  
  • The organisation was primarily opposed to the Roman Catholic Church.  
  • The all-seeing eye is not the real Illuminati symbol. The real symbol is in fact an owl.  

New World Order

The New World Order is the Illuminati's plan to bring about a one-world government where they have absolute power over everything. Many conspiracy theorists esteemed intellectuals have concluded that we are being given hints in the media about the upcoming events leading to the New World Order, because apparently obviously the Illuminati has nothing better to do than hide shit in TV shows and music videos.


Click here to visit the official website.

The Illuminati has an official website that was covered by a genius. ԀP foolishly laughed at the moron genius sifting through the debris of the Illuminati official website.

On the site, you can officially become an Illuminati member and help lead the society into the new world order.

In a Nutshell

Illuminati the Motherfucking Opera

Members of The Illuminati


  • The TVC Faction is a rogue sect of the Illuminati led by The Vigilant Christian and is antagonistic to the peasants. They have been the ones responsible for plenty of streaming difficulties in the past.
  • The Illuminati has no respect for the concept of consent when it comes to interactions with Creationist Cat, unfortunately.
  • They still exist in some form.
  • They rule the world.
  • They are the sworn enemy of the Catholic Church.
  • They are evil and satanic without any measure of uncertainty.
  • The Illuminati is responsible for the world's woes.
  • It's not your fault, it is theirs.
  • The Deus Ex video game franchise is a warning to the masses that the Illuminati wants to dominate and control us by using brain implants.