Hillary Clinton

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Hitlery Shillton
Her political career in a nutshell.
Her political career in a nutshell.
Personal Details
Profession
  • Failed Presidential Candidate
  • Bitch to big businessmen
  • Lying cunt
  • Literal Cuck
Religion
  • Methodism
  • Corporatism
Political party
Political philosophy
  • Flip-Flopper
  • Progressive (Public Position)
  • Moderate (formerly)
  • Conservative (Private Position)
Age

Barely alive

Birth place

Chicago, Illinois; U.S.

Spouse

Bill Clinton

Residence

New York, U.S.

Status
  • Being a giant bitch
  • Buying more multi-colored shoulder pads and capri pants so grotesquely tight they hug her ass more than her own husband (marital infidelity joke fully intended)
  • Just chilling in Cedar Rapids
  • Searching for more popular political stances to exploit for votes
  • Getting imaginary dick sucked by corporate news networks and corporatist Democrats.
Social Networking
Youtube channel

Hillary Clinton

Twitter

@HillaryClinton

Physical attributes
Eye colour

Blue

Hair colour

Blonde

"
Hillary Clinton, She'll say anything and change nothing.
"
— Barack Obama during a 2008 campaign ad.
"
I don’t know who created Pokemon Go. But I’m trying to figure out how we get to them Pokemon Go-to the polls!
"
— Hillary at an attempt to be hip and cool
"
Let me tell ya something about this Trump guy.
"
— Hillary when asked about her foreign policy, domestic policy, or anything regarding her political opinion.

Empress Crooked Shillary "Hilldog" Rotten-Clinton of Cedar Rapids is a carpet-munching, fascist woman who sought to become corporate-dictator of America and failed horribly when faced with an orange reality star. She is married to the first black president, Bill Clinton and is master politician with the ability to change her views at the speed of money. The definition of a Machiavellian schemer, she is fabled to shill like never before. She spent 40 years of her life to building her career to lose the presidency to a man who picked up politics as a hobby last year. After the 2016 election, she's done jack shit besides presumably hide in shame and leave Bernie Sanders to try and rebuild the shambles of a flaccid, corrupt political party that's burned enough bridges to actually lose to a television star.[1]

2016 Presidential Election

"
How does your student loan debt make you feel? Tell us in 3 emojis or less.
"
— A real tweet from Hillary. [2]
Main article: 2016 Presidential Election

Despite being a center-right corporate-loving oligarch, she is narrowly the most popular candidate thus far in 2016. The peasants know that there are more sensible candidates who will unfortunately not be elected. Her main competition is Republican nominee, Donald J. Trump, a businessman and television personality with crazy hair that claims to oppose her establishment whoring.

Democratic Nomination

Her rival for the Democratic nomination was Bernie Sanders, who trailed her closely in delegates for much of the election cycle. Clinton eventually managed to net a majority of the delegates despite having all the likability of an std-infected porcupine carcass. After dealing with months of political manipulation, Sanders hoped to sway the super-delegates over to his side at the Democratic National Convention, reasoning that he has the strongest chance of defeating Trump in a general election. Despite Sanders' eventual endorsement prior to the convention, only about 40% of his voters are falling in line behind Hillary.[3][4] Many registered Democrats still intend on writing in Bernie Sanders or moving affiliations to the Green Party and Jill Stein. There was a Twitter hashtag movement supporting Sanders to the bitter end known as #BernieOrBust.[5]

Her attempt to appeal to the LGBT community.

General Election

Despite having not having solidified her thieving of the Democratic nomination at the time, Hillary already began shifting her campaign to the general election months before California even voted. Running against an equally deplorable candidate like Trump has allowed her to court the vote of desperate SJWs that highly value a vagina in the White House. With two candidates from the main political parties having approval ratings at an all time low[6] during the pre-election period, many people on both sides of the political spectrum turned to supporting the Greens or Libertarians. The only valid reason to vote for her is that Brett Keane said he'll quit YouTube if Trump loses.[7]

Likely in a desperate attempt to court some youth voters, the two candidates have spent little time debating the actual issues, instead looking to wage a juvenile Twitter war you'd more likely expect from Devon Tracey.[8][9][10]

The Fall of Hillary

Starting in late August 2016, Hillary's campaign began to fall apart. Multiple videos of her behaving strangely came to light, including videos of her having coughing fits and even what appears to be her having seizures. After that she started complaining about the the Alt Right, a fringe group of right wingers with little to no influence in society who mostly support Trump, putting them on a national spotlight. Also in her alzheimer induced rant she started making up some conspiracy about how the alt-right, Alex Jones, Milo Yiannopoulos, Donald Trump, Nigel Farage, and Vladimir Putin are all in some illuminati-esque conspiracy of nationalism together.

On the 15th anniversary on 9/11, despite her campaign denying any health issues with her what so ever, she collapsed from somehow "overheating" on a 70-degree day. It was later revealed that she was diagnosed with pneumonia. A couple days afterwards, she put this page up on her website, where she calls Pepe the motherfucking Frog a "WHITE SUPREMACIST SYMBOL". This, along with her effectively calling 1/4th of the country unredeemable racists in her "basket of deplorables" comment, led to her losing her lead against Trump almost entirely and virtually tied with Trump.

Despite the fact that Clinton had the entire political process on her side, she somehow lost the election to Donald Trump because people actually wanted their jerbs back and didn't want TPP to ruin their lives like NAFTA did, which her husband supported.
In a nutshell

On Drunken Peasants

Being a prominent flesh eating lizard figure in America's political scene, videos about her are often played during DP Action News. Discussions primarily involve her being an entirely bought and sold candidate, her sham of a campaign, and conservatives literally and figuratively taking a shit on her. The Drunken Peasants supported Bernie Sanders' campaign for president in opposition to Hillary's bid to steal the nomination. She more recently "won" the nomination and became the Democratic nominee with Sanders' hesitant endorsement and call for party unity. As her race against Donald Trump heats up, many videos involving her have been played during DP Action News. During episode 264, the peasants tried to endure one of her bland speeches but failed, with TJ only able to see her as his pet lizard throughout the whole video.

Drunken Wager

TJ once claimed she had about an 85% chance of winning the election but put money on Trump winning. TJ and Scotty had a $1000 (originally $500) bet on who they think will win the election. Scotty put his money on Clinton, TJ put his money on Trump. TJ had later essentially given up any hope of winning the bet with Scotty.

Paul tried to spice up the bet with his own "Pageboy TJ" wager during episode 242, though TJ declined it. The bet would mean that if Trump wins that Paul has to get a pink mohawk, but if Hillary wins then TJ has to return to his old bowl-cut days. Paul's deal was ultimately rejected.

After all the peasants were certain Hillary would win, TJ was pleasantly suprised. Trump won the election causing Scotty to scream in anger at how much Hillary sucks.

RIP Warren's Integrity

During episode 254, the peasants played a clip of Massachusetts senator, Elizabeth Warren, disregarding everything she has said exposing Hillary's bullshit by supporting Clinton's campaign for president instead of Bernie Sanders. The entire video was found to be sickening by the peasants who noted the two looked like color-coordinated lesbians, with TJ describing them as "one entity". Clinton barely spoke during the video and let Warren do all the speaking like the puppetmaster she is.

On TJ Kirk

TJ has made five videos on Hillary Clinton regarding her campaign in the 2016 election. The first was TJ talking about dumb conservative reactions to Hillary announcement her campaign for president. TJ's second video came a few months down the line, with a video pleading for Hillary voters to reconsider, and putting forth his reasoning why Sanders is the superior candidate.[11]

The third video was in regards to Bernie or Bust movement, with TJ once again advocating that Democrats not waste their vote on Shillary, adding that Sanders has clearly overcome the odds in the past, even when the media kept claiming he had zero chance.[12] TJ's most recent video involving him debunking the stupid shit said by Hillary supporters after she secured the Democratic nomination. A Drunken Peasants clip was also uploaded to the channel in 2014, the video described Hillary's take on pan.

Why Not Vote Hillary?

Rootard.png

Quotes on Hillary

"
To Hillary Clinton, policy positions are kinda like socks. Something you change at your convenience.
"
— TJ Kirk on Hillary Clinton.
"
Here's a list of things I am 100% sure about Hillary Clinton. She wants to be president.
"
— TJ Kirk

Trivia

  • And soon, I shall be president!
    You should vote for her because vagina and 9/11 was a thing that happened.
  • She quite literally got cucked by Monica Lewinsky.
  • She did Benghazi in the ass.
  • She's Wall Street's personal crack-whore.
  • Although running for Democratic nominee in the 2016 US Presidential Election, she was actually a member of the Republican Party prior to 1969.
  • She was against gay marriage as recently as the 2012 election, but that doesn't stop her voters from thinking she's a huge advocate for the LGBT movement.[13]
  • She hates video games.
  • Hillary Clinton has literally no charisma or any ability to connect to anything that has the capacity to display emotion, highlighted by an interview by CNN.[14]
  • She hates puppies, kittens, and honesty.
  • She's fucking garbage.
  • TJ, in his redneck voice, once called her the "Queen of America".
  • Her husband didn't swallow.
  • It has been revealed that Hillary Clinton is actually a robot sent by aliens that adapts to any mainstream political environment. Once she is president, she will take over the world and suck the brains out of every SJW blind enough to vote for her.
  • She's just chilling in Cedar Rapids.
  • She's a bit corrupt. But it's okay because her campaign is about empowering women.
  • Her voice was compared to a more pandering version of Oprah during episode 282.

Videos

Drunken Peasants

Hillary's Missing Transcripts - DP
Hillary's Debate Dodge - DP
Hillary Clinton On Weed - DP

TJ Kirk

A Plea To Hillary Voters . . . Please Don't!
5 Hillary Flip-Flops
Conservatives React To . . . HILLARY!
IDIOTS REACT TO HILLARY'S BIG WIN!
Hey Democrats, It's Bernie Or Bust!

Gallery

Appearances

This list is currently incomplete.

References

  1. https://tweetsave.com/berniesanders/status/799292771823546370
  2. http://www.msnbc.com/msnbc/hillary-clintons-attempt-use-emoji-backfires
  3. http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2016/06/bernie-or-bust-clinton/488276/
  4. http://thehill.com/blogs/ballot-box/presidential-races/287708-poll-nearly-half-of-sanders-millennial-supporters-would
  5. https://twitter.com/hashtag/bernieorbust
  6. http://www.cnn.com/2016/03/22/politics/2016-election-poll-donald-trump-hillary-clinton/
  7. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lm_At51Jn-I
  8. https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/740972317191352320
  9. https://twitter.com/HillaryClinton/status/740973710593654784
  10. https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/741007091947556864
  11. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQINZ7N1Ses
  12. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zVJOl-7ig5k
  13. https://youtu.be/lQINZ7N1Ses?t=2m50s
  14. http://www.cnn.com/videos/tv/2015/07/07/hillary-clinton-cnn-exclusive-wxdc.cnn