God

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Gawd
The God that Ben and TJ wish they could worship.
The God that Ben and TJ wish they could worship.
Personal Details
Profession

Creator of the Universe

Religion

Creationism

Age

2016

Birth date

0/0/0

Birth place

Outside of existence

Children

Jesus Christ

Status

Chilling in Heaven

Let there be pan.

— God smoking weed while watching Drunken Peasants.

God (also known as Allah by Mooslims, Gawd by the Rednecks, and Gord by Brett Keane) is a faggot who tries to lure innocent souls into the so-called eternal splendor he calls Heaven. Heaven is actually a place of no free will where you will remain a thrall of Jesus for all eternity. According to Brett Keane, Gord is EXTRAORDINAIRE.

God's manifesto is known as The Bible; he trusted fallible people to write and interpret it for a good reason that nobody knows. In The Bible, he condemns almost every action that he has done himself twice over, but it's all alright because he's God.

Personality

He put a tree with magic fruit in a paradise that would totally fuck up his creation for absolutely no reason. Despite the fact he knew beforehand that the humans would eat the fruit, he still fucked them over when they did. Sounds pretty incompetent, don't you think? I mean, if I build a car and it explodes when you put the key in the ignition, you don't blame the machine. Just saying.

God views homosexuality, mixed fabrics, and abortion as atrocities, but doesn't have problems with slavery, incest, mass genocide, or pedophilia as long as it's done by his people. God has committed far more atrocities than any human to ever live, and yet Christians insist that he's the good guy.

God is said to allow his prime creation, humans, to have free will, but then also has a plan for them that will never fail. Christians often retardedly pray "thy will be done," even though he's just going to go ahead and do whatever he wants anyways. It's almost like it makes absolutely no sense at all or something.

Trivia

  • G Man has proven God's existence many times to the peasants, but the stubborn atheists just can't rationalize G Man's ironclad logic.
  • This page was featured during the Information Segment on episode 262.
  • God raped a virgin to conceive himself, meaning that he fucked his own mom.
  • He created the multiverse when he was bored one day, couldn't find his CD copy of Sims 3, and the Pirate Bay didn't have it.
  • He created everything just to fuck it in the ass (literally and figuratively).Despite being all powerful, god seemingly has a weird weakness to iron chariots. We shit you not, Judah who had the help of god couldn't drive out some assholes in a valley because they had iron chariots.

Gallery