Gail Chord Schuler
|Gail Chord Schuler|
|Gail seen getting her freak on.|
born September 15th, 1957
Cutler Ridge, Florida; United States
Recording the rape of her men in full detail.
"Lord, why'd you let that dog bite me?""— Gail Chord Schuler
"She's got like... men's penises in her refrigerator."
Gail Chord Schuler is an accomplished novelist, screenwriter, YouTuber and bangin' slice of ass who goes by her pen name Gabrielle Chana. She is not insane in the slightest and many of her works have been featured on Drunken Peasants, notably videos and books. In Gail's mind, the peasants use this minor influence in order to subliminally recruit more Jesuits necessary for global domination. She is locked in an eternal battle with Zack Knight and his Jesuit Order.
Fantasies thought up by Gail include: a big black man who eats ass, Brent Spiner raping an anthropomorphic cat, Hugh Jackman being skinned alive by Klansmen, and all your other favorite celebrities being mutilated in creative ways you could never imagine yourself. Despite this, Gail remains determined in thinking her content is child friendly.
Gail serves as the dream bitch of all the men on the Church of Gail. Talented in the arts and highly creative, she has managed to sway many big Hollywood names to join her in eternal courtship among her two spaceships. Despite her being unable to ride on either, her men wait there eagerly for her inevitable return. The most dedicated of Gail's suitors is Brent Spiner. Gail is locked in an eternal conflict with the forces of Zack Knight and his Jesuit Order. It should be noted that she is strangely jovial for someone who believes that a secret society is constantly watching over her while raping her men.
Gail owns a Star Trek like ship known as "The Church of Gail" where she has many shenanigans ranging from malware causing everyone's peni to fall off, to sentient tacos and burritos. Its crew is comprised of several famous men who are the suitors of Gail Chord Schuler, who for some reason is not on the spaceship with them. They are on the ship to evade Jesuit antics, which are the schemes of Jesuit leader Zack Knight. It has been reported that the Church of Gail merely escaped destruction after being chased by a sentient taco and a sentient burrito through the center of the Sun. Despite only being ONE BEAN away from destruction, the C.O.G. escaped when the taco and burrito became crispy and delicious before the Church was destroyed. The mechanism by which the taco and burrito became sentient and developed destructive capabilities are still not fully understood. The crew of the Church include Brent Spiner, Vladimir Putin, Keanu Reeves, and Matthew McConaughey.
Gail is also the author of several works of fiction, including her magnum opus, Jesus: The Eternal Bridegroom. It is a testament to how
far off the deep end brilliant and heavenly Gail really is. It is available on Amazon in digital form. The book is going to include such wonderful characters such as Brent Spiner, Satan, and Bubba the Black Jesuit. Jesus Christ is going to narrate the audiobook. How that would happen is unknown, because she believes Jesus is in heaven. But she will assuredly find a way. In reality, much of Gail's madness is speculated to originate partially from a Jesus Christ impersonator she has added on Skype, who also pretends to be many of the characters she discusses in her hooks.
On Drunken Peasants
"Wow! I love shaved pussy!"— Gail during episode 215.
Gail and the peasants have a mostly one-sided relationship not comparable to an antagonist of the show. This strange series of encounters have mainly consisted of the Peasants watching her videos and attempting to give commenting over her crazy ramblings, both the twisted perception she has of the world around her and her own fantasy novels. Gail is often featured during the Crazy People segment, serving as an entertaining if not sometimes unnerving look into the mind of someone's batshit crazy fanfiction gone too far. Gail once commented on Twitter saying that the peasants were a pro-Jesuit podcast and she would never appear on the podcast. Although, after a chance encounter with a reformed Zack Knight and Rybi Jenkins, she eventually agreed to appear as a guest on episode 312. The following is a list of notable appearances:
- Episode 121 - The peasants learn that Gail has written a children's book about the time Brent Spiner was repeatedly anally-raped by Laurie McBride as well as numerous zoo animals.
- Episode 131 - Gail was proven to be complete racist after reading off a message sent from her black lover, Terrance Jenkins, as if he was some sort of post-slavery "massa, massa" Uncle Tom. Although, this may be due to the confusion of a Skype account pretending to be Terrance over Skype, who may be talking in such a manner.
- Episode 283 - Gail utilized a Gail-shield to defend Florida from an upcoming hurricane. The entire video was filmed like a horror film which left Blaire White astonished.
Main article: Characters of Gail Chord Schuler
Gail, boasting the beautiful and creative mind that she does, has many characters that she talks about in her writings. In many cases, they are some of the most well known actors in Hollywood, though Gail is able to reveal the truth about them and the timeless struggle of men across the world over attempting to seize her affection for her own. The main opponent of Gail and her servants are the Jesuit Order, an ancient order of evil hell bent on destroying the Gail shield and bringing turmoil and a thousand years of chaos to Earth. However, Gail also has many allies in the form of her men.
"There is sex in heaven, great sex, Jesus tells me."— Gail recites a line from her book.
"Jesus is not a cockblocker!"— Gail on the Drunken Peasants
"If God is such a cockblocker, why did he approve of David's many wives?"— Gail debunks the Bible.
"Lick my butthole."— Gail's impression of everyone's favorite overweight black gay Jesuit.
"If only I knew how to keep my balls safe."— Gail Chord Schuler
- According to Gail, she was once married to an abusive Jesuit.
- According to Gail, Sara Avery (a gluttonous giantess that threatens to consume the universe as we know it), is so fat that she "takes selfies with google earth".
- She has a son, Erich Schuler.
- It is rumored that she had another son with Vladimir Putin, their offspring was indoctrinated to atheism by TJ.
- She discovered the Nukkake, the most dangerous weapon known to man.
- There was a wiki dedicated to her called Crazy Gail Wiki. The Church of Gail has talked about suing them of defamation. Their wiki has actually since been infected by malware and is unreadable, likely making the DP Wiki her starship's next target.
- Gail thinks the word "bodacious" has negative connotations. She probably misunderstood the use of the term during her viewing of Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure.
- Gail is aware of her other-worldly beauty, but is modest enough not to pride herself on it.
- All of her men end up getting raped repeatedly.
- Gail has recorded several nude videos for her men, one of which was glimpsed during a Drunken Peasants private show.
- The official motto of the Church of Gail is "Hopping. Popping. Skip-skopping. Nigga."
- The Church is part of a liberal propaganda network.
- Jesuits are actually great people and the Illuminati is a red cross-like organisation.
- Gail is ranked the 3rd sexiest female on DP on the wiki's top ten. No doubt it's the actions of the Jesuits that are preventing Gail from obtaining her rightful place at the top.
- Gail is one of only a handful of people to have won two nobel prizes. Her first prize was in literature, her second prize was for physical fitness. Jesuits have prevented Gail from actually receiving her awards.
- Robin Williams was murdered by Jesuits for trying to marry Gail. At the time of his death he was actually in possession of an engagement ring valued at two-billion dollars.
- She thinks her videos are boring.
- Cats are never safe in her stories.
- A poll conducted over the month of August found that the majority of people would sustain themselves with Gail's love if trapped on the dessert island.
- She used to show up on Google if you searched "Brent Spiner's wife". This has since been
fixedcensored by the Jesuits.
- Gail is the Empress of America, however the Jesuits are attempting to undermine her conspiracy law with the appointment of a puppet dictator in the 2016 Presidential Election. However, she supports Shillary Clinton due to Clinton's support of her laws to execute Jesuits.
- Gail herself has been quoted to have been stalking Brent Spiner, a celebrity who played Commander Data on Star Trek: The Next Generation for 20 years. Her obsession with this man, and many more characters such as "Jesus Christ" and "Vladimir Putin" have caused her to preach her word about the enemy Jesuits, controlled by Zack Knight.
- Many fans have attempted to convince Gail that TJ is actually Zack Knight, her arch nemesis, and TJ himself has confessed that he himself IS Zack Knight.
- Her marriage to Brent Spiner destroyed Satan.
List of Gail's MenGail claims to have many men who are in love with her on her marriage list. These men are prohibited to have sex with any woman other than Gail, however they can use specialized Gail Sex Dummies to fulfill their sexual needs. Known men on Gail´s marriage list include (in descending order of importance):
- Brent Spiner
- Vladimir Putin
- Matthew McConaughey
- Gerard Butler
- Hugh Jackman
- Terrance 'TerRance' Jenkins
- Keith Morgan
- Edward Prendergast
- Tony Blair
- Hu Jintao
- Will Smith
- David Hasselhof
- Sean Connery
- Robert Pattison
- Chuck Norris
- Jude Law
- Tommy Lee Jones
- Pierce Brosnan
- Keanu 'Keyanyo' Reeves
- Jim Carrey
- Johnny Depp
- 50 Cent
- Orlando Bloom
- Tony Stark
- Sam Barbary
- Robin Williams
- Jason Momoa
- Optimus Prime
- David Duchovny
- Nicolas Cage
- Carl Sagan
- Hugh Laurie
- Zac Efron
- Kim Jong-Il
- John Cena
- Waldo Waldo
- Episode 67
- Episode 68
- Episode 70
- Episode 71
- Episode 73
- Episode 74
- Episode 75
- Episode 78
- Episode 79
- Episode 80
- Episode 81
- Episode 86
- Episode 96
- Episode 113
- Episode 117
- Episode 118
- Episode 122
- Episode 127
- Episode 132
- Episode 133
- Episode 135
- Episode 139
- Episode 144
- Episode 149
- Episode 151
- Episode 152
- Episode 158
- Episode 160
- Episode 165
- Episode 169
- Episode 176
- Episode 178
- Episode 187
- Episode 188
- Episode 198
- Episode 201
- Episode 202
- Episode 215
- Episode 231
- Episode 239
- Episode 259
- Episode 274
- Episode 283
- Episode 294
- Episode 305
- Episode 307
- Episode 310
- Episode 312 (guest)
- Episode 327
- Episode 328
- Episode 349
- Episode 357
- Episode 362