Gail Chord Schuler
“— Gail Chord Schuler
She's got like... men's penises in her refrigerator.— Tim's first impression of Gail Chord Schuler.
Gail Chord Schuler is an accomplished novelist, screenwriter, YouTuber and bangin' slice of ass who goes by her pen name Gabrielle Chana. She is not insane in the slightest and many of her works have been featured on Drunken Peasants, notably videos and books. She is locked in an eternal battle with Zack Knight and his Jesuit Order.
Fantasies thought up by Gail include: a big black man who eats ass, Brent Spiner raping an anthropomorphic cat, Hugh Jackman being skinned alive by Klansmen, and all your other favorite celebrities being mutilated in creative ways you could never imagine yourself. Despite this, Gail remains determined in thinking her content is child friendly.
- 1 Description
- 2 On Drunken Peasants
- 3 The Church of Gail
- 4 Jesus, the Eternal Bridegroom
- 5 Notable Characters
- 6 Quotes
- 7 Trivia
- 8 List of Gail's Men
- 9 Gallery
- 10 Appearances
- 11 External Links
- 12 References
Gail serves as the dream bitch of all the men on the Church of Gail. Talented in the arts and highly creative, she has managed to sway many big Hollywood names to join her in eternal courtship among her two spaceships. Despite her being unable to ride on either, her men wait there eagerly for her inevitable return. The most dedicated of Gail's suitors is Brent Spiner. Gail is locked in an eternal conflict with the forces of Zack Knight and his Jesuit Order.
Gail owns a Star Trek like ship known as "The Church of Gail" where she has many shenanigans ranging from malware causing everyone's peni to fall off, to sentient tacos and burritos. It should be noted that she is strangely jovial for someone who believes that a secret society is constantly watching over her while raping her men.
In reality, much of Gail's madness is speculated to originate partially from a Jesus Christ impersonator she has added on Skype, who also pretends to be many of the characters she discusses in her hooks.
On Drunken Peasants
Wow! I love shaved pussy!— Gail during episode 215.
Gail and the peasants have a mostly one-sided relationship not comparable to an antagonist of the show. This strange series of encounters have mainly consisted of the Peasants watching her videos and attempting to give commenting over her crazy ramblings, both the twisted perception she has of the world around her and her own fantasy novels. Gail is often featured during the Crazy People segment, serving as an entertaining if not sometimes unnerving look into the mind of someone's batshit crazy fanfiction gone too far.
One might question if Gail even knows of the existence of Drunken Peasants, though she has commented once on Twitter that they are a pro-Jesuit podcast and would never appear on the show. In Gail's mind, the peasants use this minor influence in order to subliminally recruit more Jesuits necessary for global domination. Gail is notorious for publishing videos in which she gives blowjobs to random DP fans.
Gail was proven to be complete racist piece of shit during episode 131, after reading off a message sent from her black lover, Terrance Jenkins, as if he was some sort of post-slavery "massa, massa" Uncle Tom. Although, this may be due to the confusion of a Skype account pretending to be Terrance over Skype, who may be talking in such a manner. During episode 283, Gail utilized a Gail-shield to defend Florida from an upcoming hurricane. The entire video was filmed like a horror film which left Blaire White astonished.
The Church of Gail
The Church of Gail is a spaceship orbiting the Earth. Its crew is comprised of several famous men who are the suitors of Gail Chord Schuler, who for some reason is not on the spaceship with them. They are on the ship to evade Jesuit antics, which are the schemes of Jesuit leader Zack Knight. The crew of the Church include Brent Spiner, Vladimir Putin, Keanu Reeves, and Matthew McConaughey.
It has been reported that the Church of Gail merely escaped destruction after being chased by a sentient taco and a sentient burrito through the center of the Sun. Despite only being ONE BEAN away from destruction, the C.O.G. escaped when the taco and burrito became crispy and delicious before the Church was destroyed. The mechanism by which the taco and burrito became sentient and developed destructive capabilities are still not fully understood.
It has been revealed that the Jesuits, the Church of Gail, and even Schuler herself were all contrivances of TJ. TJ had orchestrated, and continues to orchestrate, the saga of the Church of Gail under the pseudonym of Zack Knight. Still, some people are audacious enough to make the absurd claim that Gail is mentally ill.
Jesus, the Eternal Bridegroom
Jesus: The Eternal Bridegroom is a book by Gail Chord Schuler. It is a testament to how
far off the deep end brilliant and heavenly Gail really is. It is available on Amazon in digital form. The book is going to include such wonderful characters such as Brent Spiner, Satan, and Bubba the Black Jesuit. Jesus Christ is going to narrate the audiobook. How that would happen is unknown, because she believes Jesus is in heaven. But she will assuredly find a way.
Brent Spiner is an actor known for having a clone that plays Data in Star Trek:The Next Generation and is the lover of sex goddess Gail Chord Schuler. Their indestructible love for each other is well-documented in Gail's book Emerald Towers and Jesus, The Eternal Bridegroom. Unfortunately he's been raped in the ass by Jesuit MonsterCocks several dozen times. In real life, he has actually been stalked for decades by Gail. He also raped a cat when he was a child. Fun fact. If you ever talk to him, you'll find quickly, he will reveal himself to in fact, be one of Laurie McBride's clones. Gail describes him as having exactly an 18.25 inch cock.
Brent has been mentioned often on the Drunken Peasants. Usually he is brought up when watching Church of Gail, but he has also been brought up when the hosts would talk about Star Trek. A video of Brent at a convention being asked about Gail has also been featured on an episode of the Drunken Peasants. He was quite uncomfortable when asked about it. This must be his Jesuit clone and not the true Brent. In reality, Gail has been stalking Brent Spiner for 20+ years.
He also raped a cat.
Bubba the Black Jesuit
Main article: Bubba the Black Jesuit
Bubba the Black Jesuit is a big, morbidly black, juicy Jesuit who formerly worked at the Jesuit Homosexual Compound in San Francisco prior to its destruction. Bubba is also morbidly black. In recent weeks, however, reports surfaced that Bubba lost much of his weight after he was ordered to go on a fat farm by the Jesuits, to avoid recognition by Gail's men. The Jesuits reportedly extracted more than 300 pounds of blubber from his body and used it to manufacture several clones.
Bubba's boyfriend was an effeminate ginger kid who was known for dating Bubba the Black Jesuit. Gail thinks he was a potential rape victim of Bubba, even though Bubba and his boyfriend were madly in love. It is further speculated that he's the bottom, and Bubba's the top. His most notable feature was that he was a ginger, meaning he was a soulless child of Satan, which made him perfectly compatible with Bubba.
Bubba and his boyfriend went on a date when some of Gail's men were looking for Waldo. He thinks licking buttholes is "so romantical". Gail received a letter saying that Bubba's boyfriend was a chubby chaser, and since Bubba has lost weight on a fat farm they have broken up. However, as Bubba lost only a small fraction of his blubber, it was later discovered that he still lived with Bubba,
On November 27 2015, he was brutally cannibalized alive by Sara Avery, causing Bubba to have a nervous breakdown. The men of the Church Of Gail consoled Bubba, making him get right. TJ speculated that it may be possible that he survived being eaten by Sara Avery, and currently still lives within her. However, this is likely just wishful thinking.
Waldo (born Waldo; November 24, 1946 – January 24, 1989) was an American serial killer, kidnapper, rapist, and necrophiliac who assaulted and murdered numerous young women and girls during the 1970's and possibly earlier. Shortly before his execution, after more than a decade of denials, he confessed to 30 homicides committed in seven states between 1974 and 1978. The true victim count remains unknown, and could be much higher.
For reasons unknown, we can't see him.
Main article: Vladimir Putin
Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin (born 7 October 1952) is a communist and nigger that serves as one of the numerous suitors to Gail. He is infamous for taking shirtless pictures doing things like riding horses or wrestling manatees. He has a well known Napoleon complex and is more concerned with staying in power than his people's future. He is a clone of Julius Caesar meant to compete with Obama. He was a former member of the KGB, has a harem of over 450 men, never wears a shirt, and inspired the name of a Canadian dish, but you can probably trust him.
Zack Knight is the leader of the Jesuits and the arch-nemesis of Gail. He is our lord and savior and you should go to Gail Chord Schuler's YouTube channel every day to remind her of the deep, intimate relationship she shares with Zack Knight. According to rumors, Zack Knight is not only capable of making women pregnant by looking at them, but can also make men get erections by standing in the same room as them, making the men gay. These are just false rumors, nothing more, nothing less. TJ has gone so far to claim that he himself is Zack Knight.
Zack Knight often hides in Gail's apartment. Whenever Jesus finds him he puts him in a cage and tells Gail to make a video. Zack Knight can only be seen in these videos while wearing a tin-foil hat. According to Gail, Zack Knight has done terrible acts such as: Creating Playboy, stabbing watermelons, genetically enginerring women to gain massive amounts of wait and letting them explode due to noxious farts.
There is sex in heaven, great sex, Jesus tells me.— Gail recites a line from her book.
If God is such a cockblocker, why did he approve of David's many wives?— Gail debunks the Bible.
Lick my butthole.— Gail's impression of everyone's favorite overweight black gay Jesuit.
If only I knew how to keep my balls safe.— Gail Chord Schuler
- According to Gail, she was once married to an abusive Jesuit.
- According to Gail, Sara Avery (a gluttonous giantess that threatens to consume the universe as we know it), is so fat that she "takes selfies with google earth".
- She has a son, Erich Schuler.
- It is rumored that she had another son with Vladimir Putin, their offspring was indoctrinated to atheism by TJ.
- She discovered the Nukkake, the most dangerous weapon known to man.
- There was a wiki dedicated to her called Crazy Gail Wiki. The Church of Gail has talked about suing them of defamation. Their wiki has actually since been infected by malware and is unreadable, likely making the DP Wiki her starship's next target.
- Gail thinks the word "bodacious" has negative connotations. She probably misunderstood the use of the term during her viewing of Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure.
- Gail is aware of her other-worldly beauty, but is modest enough not to pride herself on it.
- Gail has wrote a children's book about the time Brent Spiner was repeatedly anally-raped by Laurie McBride as well as numerous zoo animals. Part of it was featured on Episode 122.
- All of her men end up getting raped repeatedly.
- Gail has recorded several nude videos for her men, one of which was glimpsed during a Drunken Peasants private show.
- The official motto of the Church of Gail is "Hopping. Popping. Skip-skopping. Nigga."
- The Church is part of a liberal propaganda network.
- Jesuits are actually great people and the Illuminati is a red cross-like organisation.
- Gail is ranked the 3rd sexiest female on DP on the wiki's top ten. No doubt it's the actions of the Jesuits that are preventing Gail from obtaining her rightful place at the top.
- Gail is one of only a handful of people to have won two nobel prizes. Her first prize was in literature, her second prize was for physical fitness. Jesuits have prevented Gail from actually receiving her awards.
- Robin Williams was murdered by Jesuits for trying to marry Gail. At the time of his death he was actually in possession of an engagement ring valued at two-billion dollars.
- She thinks her videos are boring.
- Cats are never safe in her stories.
- A poll conducted over the month of August found that the majority of people would sustain themselves with Gail's love if trapped on the dessert island.
- She used to show up on Google if you searched "Brent Spiner's wife". This has since been
fixedcensored by the Jesuits.
- Gail is the Empress of America, however the Jesuits are attempting to undermine her conspiracy law with the appointment of a puppet dictator in the 2016 Presidential Election. However, she supports Shillary Clinton due to Clinton's support of her laws to execute Jesuits.
- Gail herself has been quoted to have been stalking Brent Spiner, a celebrity who played Commander Data on Star Trek: The Next Generation for 20 years. Her obsession with this man, and many more characters such as "Jesus Christ" and "Vladimir Putin" have caused her to preach her word about the enemy Jesuits, controlled by Zack Knight.
- Many fans have attempted to convince Gail that TJ is actually Zack Knight, her arch nemesis, and TJ himself has confessed that he himself IS Zack Knight.
- Her marriage to Brent Spiner destroyed Satan.
List of Gail's Men
Gail claims to have many men who are in love with her on her marriage list. These men are prohibited to have sex with any woman other than Gail, however they can use specialized Gail Sex Dummies to fulfill their sexual needs. Known men on Gail´s marriage list include (in descending order of importance):
- Brent Spiner
- Vladimir Putin
- Matthew McConaughey
- Gerard Butler
- Hugh Jackman
- Terrance 'TerRance' Jenkins
- Keith Morgan
- Tony Blair
- Hu Jintao
- Will Smith
- David Hasselhof
- Sean Connery
- Robert Pattison
- Chuck Norris
- Jude Law
- Tommy Lee Jones
- Pierce Brosnan
- Keanu 'Keyanyo' Reeves
- Jim Carrey
- Johnny Depp
- 50 Cent
- Orlando Bloom
- Tony Stark
- Sam Barbary
- Robin Williams
- Jason Momoa
- Optimus Prime
- David Duchovny
- Nicolas Cage
- Carl Sagan
- Hugh Laurie
- Zac Efron
- Kim Jong-Il
- John Cena
- Waldo Waldo
- Episode 67
- Episode 68
- Episode 70
- Episode 71
- Episode 73
- Episode 74
- Episode 75
- Episode 78
- Episode 79
- Episode 80
- Episode 81
- Episode 86
- Episode 96
- Episode 113
- Episode 117
- Episode 118
- Episode 122
- Episode 127
- Episode 132
- Episode 133
- Episode 135
- Episode 139
- Episode 144
- Episode 149
- Episode 151
- Episode 152
- Episode 158
- Episode 160
- Episode 165
- Episode 169
- Episode 176
- Episode 178
- Episode 187
- Episode 188
- Episode 198
- Episode 201
- Episode 202
- Episode 215
- Episode 231
- Episode 239
- Episode 259
- Episode 274
- Episode 283
- Episode 294
- Episode 312 OMG Gail's guest appearance!