Canada

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Canada
O-CANADIAN-FLAG-MARIJUANA-facebook.jpg
Kansasada.jpg
Details
Leader

Justin Trudeau

Government

Federal parliamentary constitutional monarchy

Anthem

Motto

"How many nutjobs do we need to pump out before Ben just admits we're shittier than America?"

Currency

Canadian Dollar ($)

Population

35,675,834

Continent

North America

Demonym

Canadian

Capital city

Ottawa

Today we're celebrating a very special day, for a very special country out there. On this date, in the year 9000 BC, cavemen founded Canada... and they haven't really evolved much since then.

— TJ celebrates Canada Day on episode 126.[1]

Canada, also known as Soviet Canuckistan, is a far-left totalitarian state located in North America and the most oppressive nation in human history. In reality, the Canadians exist only as joke fodder for their superior neighbors down to the south, the United States. Like all pure-blooded Americans, the Drunken Peasants are relentless in making fun of this pathetic country at any occasion, especially Kaiser Scotty. The capital of Canada is Ottawa.

Culture

Canada was founded in the year 9000 BC by cavemen, after the Antichrist gathered all three pieces of the unholy triforce. Canada was created to be a base of operations for Adolf Hitler, however a particular individual made Canada his breeding ground. 666 years later, an army of white knights lead by the white guilt trinity, (Sir Shives the Pale, The Great White Knight of the North, and Anita-trek boy) deported the particular individual, and made it a feminist utopia. (Hell.)

The "people" of Canada are the bane of America and the western world. They are considered fauna by the EPA and are cited as very dangerous by the CDC. Canada has molded gems such as Justin Bieber, The Vigilant Christian, Nickelback, Avril Lavigne, Anita Sarkeesian, and Rob Ford. Their current Prime Minister is a huge supporter of Feminism and insists on selling out his country in the name of social justice,[2] TJ, however, finds him to be cute.[3]

Canadians are also forced to pay daddy government big dolla' under the code-name "health-care". Many speculations exist as to what the money actually goes to, however some evidence points to the Canadian military breeding giant beavers in order to regain control of their former southern territories currently under control of the United States, including Michigan. The code-name of this project is Ryan Wiley.

In addition, the have an inability to properly pronounce "out" and "about". What's that aboot, eh?

On Drunken Peasants

TJ: Scotty, what do you fight for?
Scotty: Uh, poutine and beavers!
Episode 120[4]
The peasants have rightfully established an anti-Canadian policy on their podcast, believing them to be lesser lifeforms with rights comparable to a single-celled organism. Scotty in particular is the most outspoken of the peasants regarding his fierce distrust of Canada. The peasants have brought up from political videos from Canada during the DP Action News. One story in particular involved a statue of an erect Satan chilling out at some park in British Columbia.[5] During episode 185, Scotty suggested that Trump incorporate the occupation of Canada as a campaign promise.[6]

When the Drunken Peasants posted audio recordings of their podcast to iTunes, they reached the highest rank in the Total Podcast Downloads chart in Canada. Experts attribute this success to Scotty's censorship of Canadian media. The Drunken Peasants plays over public loudspeakers at all times in Canadian cities.

A number of people from Canada have also been tolerated on the show, including Logicked and the amply named Canadian Atheist.

Quotes

Build a wall around Canada!

Scotty Kirk

Blame Canada, of course.

Scotty Kirk

I am a real Canadian!

— Ben during episode 163.[7]

We are thankful that we are not Canadian!

— Ben during Canadian Thanksgiving on episode 164.

The savage Canadians invade Michigan... raping and pillaging.

Ben during episode 214.

I've been to Toronto, it's basically just three dudes huddled around a garbage fire. Very primitive country, but you admire their spirit.

— TJ on episode 216.

National Anthem

TJ once sang the Canadian national anthem in honor of Canada Day for episode 126. He didn't know the lyrics so he made them up instead. The abridged lyrics can be found below:

Oh, Canada!

You fucking piece of shit.

Oh, you suck!

Why aren't you American?

Oh, Canada.

Wolverine is the coolest thing to come out of you and he's a fictional character

Oh, Canada

Justin Bieber came from you.

Oh, Canada

I just want to say again, you're a piece of shit.

Fuck yourselves in your stupid canuck asses

You're deprecated morons.

Trivia

  • The peasants believe that Alberta beef is shit.
  • Scotty occasionally escapes to Canada on vacation, likely for political sabotage.
  • Canada sucks massive cock.
  • God gave up on Canada.

Image Gallery

Video Gallery

Happy Canada Day! - Scotty Cena Visits - Burn the Chat!
DRUNKEN PEASANTS CANADIAN THANKSGIVING SPECTACULAR!
TheCanadianAtheist Challenges TJ - Butt King on Donald Trump - and More!
God Knows all of the Internet - Trisha Paytas Shamed by Douchebag - Cornell West on Obama

References

  1. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1l_wzez5ba8
  2. http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2016/04/30/justin-trudeau-feminist-advice-snapchat_n_9815126.html
  3. https://youtu.be/IVgsF_7SnRU?t=19m
  4. https://youtu.be/hV34n3Ol1Mg?t=19m55s
  5. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Vs2yp88gqY
  6. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=67AVLpuNT5g
  7. https://youtu.be/IVgsF_7SnRU?t=19m15s