Brett Keane Dictionary

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I keep orn asking myself: 'Come orn, god'.

— Brett accidentally tells the truth.[1]

Being a manatee, Brett Keane is incapable of producing proper human speech. As a result, he speaks a series of guttural slurs similar to a low form of English. The following guide is an attempt to help translate this individual situation. He is absolutely notorious for particular words and expressions that he runs ornto the ground, ladies and gentlemen, in order to make himself sound like an intellectual individual. The first of particular quirks was his overuse of the word "situation" at random times in a video. Whenever Brett gets mocked for overusing a phrase, he stops using it, tries to flip the situation orn its head by claiming that it was a self-parody, and moves ornto another word-situation. The overall theory ladies and gentlemen is as follows: The more syllables a word has, the more likely Brett will try to use it and the less likely it will be used properly. These verbal quirks have come to be known as Keaneisms.

Keaneisms can be broken down into three major groups:

1.) Overused Words and Phrases - Things Brett relies on in his vocabulary way too much.

2.) Mispronounced Words and Phrases - Words that while are grammatically and contextually correct, Brett fucks up the pronunciation of. This can range anywhere from a simple phonetic error to unintentionally calling a phrase the wrong name.

3.) Repeated Grammatical errors - Brett constantly makes grammatical errors. Everybody does it from time to time, but Brett Keane makes a habit of making the same mistakes over and over again.

List of Keaneisms

The crusty old Brett rotting away in his backyard.

Overused Words and Phrases

  • Attack my Family - Keane is always complaining that everyone is attacking his family even though he more often brings his family into videos and online drama. As a result, this is one of the more notable Keaneisms dating back to shortly after the Religion Debate.
  • As Well As - Brett has a quirk where he says "as well as" instead of just saying "and". This might not sound like much, but when his sentences run-on for way too long, it is much more noticeable.
  • Check Out - Used at least 3 times at the beginning of every video so as to promote his gaming channel- GamesULove and his brother's music.
  • Come Orn - Mispronounced and used several times through Episode 166. Also notably used when threatening to leave YouTube and social media should Trump lose to Hillary Clinton, stating "I keep asking myself Corm Orn Gord" as seen in Episode 285.
  • Christians, Muslims, Pagans, Jews - Apparently, for all the time Brett talks about atheists, he seems to be painfully unaware of the fact that "theists" is a term as well. Instead, Brett names off these 4 groups in this order to convey god-believer individuals.[2]
  • Fukkin - Uses this as an adjective about as frequent and inappropriately as this guy.
  • GamesULove - The name of Brett Keane's gaming channel that was appropriated by the DP fanbase to mock him, so much so that he would barely say the name anymore even in his gaming videos.[3]
  • "'God Believer'" - It's called a theist, you retard.
  • Indivijul - Keane mispronounces individual as indivijul. It is by far one of the most notably Keaneisms as it is usually paired alongside situation. It is often used by Paul during his Keane impression. Brett no longer says it since it is such a commonly mocked phrase.
  • Insulting the shit/piss out of - Badass Brett Keane gets his feelings hurt really easily.
  • Ladies and Gentlemen - An often redundant phrase said by Keane at the start of every video, usually right before he introduces himself to all two of his loyal viewers. Ex: "Hello ladies and gentleman, Brett Keane here."
  • Orn - Keane is unable to pronounce the word on without adding an R. As a result, the manatee rambles orn and orn all day without noticing how fucking retarded he sounds. When he feels desperate, sometimes Brett will ask himself, "Come orn Gord!'.[4]
  • Out There - Brett attributes many things in the world to being "out there". It's basically a location at this point.
  • Micromanagement - He thinks this is a clever - or possibly even outright thinks this is the right way to say "Microdick".
  • Particular - As situation started fading out, ladies and gentlemen, he began to use other word situations such as "particular" and "equation".
  • Scenario - Used as a synonym for Situation once DP started noticing he would say situation too much.
  • Sit There - Most recently, he has been ridiculed for his use of the expression "sit(ting) (t)here".[5]
  • Situation - Keane mispronounces situation as "sitchu-ayshun" and used to use it way too often as a verbal crutch until fans of DP pointed it out.
  • Waterhead - A term used by Keane himself while impersonating Chris Anderson in an email from back in the day. He claims the peasants originate the term despite it being from his demented mind.

Mispronounced Words and Phrases

  • Bean - When Brett attempts to say "been" or "being", it comes out as bean. This proves that theory that chili or mac n' cheese are the only things that occupy the manatee's mind at any given time.
  • Crayon - Brett seems ignorant to the fact that the Muslim holy book is not the same thing as a children's drawing tool, as he pronounces them the same way.
  • Contradict - Brett says "contradict" as "counterdict".
  • Double-Ad Sore - Brett's mispronunciation of the term double-edge sword, the meaning of which Keane doesn't even seem to understand.[6]
  • Duplicious - Keane mispronounces duplicitous as duplicious and has not used it in the proper context once in his whole life.
  • Extraordinair - He neglects pronouncing the "E" at the end of extraordinaire, proving he must see himself as too good for most vowels.
  • Kent Hoe-Vined - Hilariously, Brett pronounces Kent Hovind's name as Kent Hoe-Vined.
  • Lidderully - in place of "literally", the more inappropriate the use, the better.
  • Lucy-anna - It has also been pointed out that Brett says "Louisiana" as "Lucy-anna".
  • Matinee - Brett confused the peasants' nickname for him as being "the matinee" instead of "the manatee", as shown during episode 166.
  • Mine-Quoting - He's also so fucking stupid that he thinks "quote mine" is said as "mine quoting", as shown during a stream.
  • Muslamic Turbine - An infamous moment from his debate in 2011 with Straightd0pe, where he confuses a turban for a turbine and butchers the term Islamic.[7]
  • Nuculor - Brett mispronounces Nuclear and Nucalor improperly as first mentioned during episode 355, similar to George W. Bush.
  • Old-Scotsman - To this day, Brett still refers to the "no true scotsman" fallacy as the "Old Scotsman" fallacy.
  • OldTimers Disease- It's embarrassing and pathetic, but Brett Keane actually, and un-ironically, thinks this is how you pronounce Alzheimer's Disease.
  • Patreorn - Brett Keane indirectly refers to patrons from Patreon as "Patreons" themselves, because he is a fucking dumbass. Unfortunately, this is a mistake uttered by many more people on YouTube than just Keane.
  • Pawn - It was also noticed that Brett used to pronounce "pwn" as "pawn". You read that correctly.[8]
  • Rib Eye - Pronounced as in the steak - mispronounces Rybi Jenkins.
  • Quander - Brett's misinterpretation of the word quandary, used in the wrong context AND tense.
  • Self-Depreciating Humor - Instead of deprecating. We didn't know humor could financially degrade in value over time.
  • Slander and Liability - instead if libel. One wonders if he thought this word was correct just because it has a bunch of fancy-sounding syllables.
  • Steve Shivs - Pronounced as in the stabbing tool. This is extra-stupid because he said it this way while responding to a video repeatedly saying it the right way.
  • Working on all cinder blocks - Mistaken for "firing on all cylinders". This is stroke-victim levels of retardation.
  • Wubsite - Website - how he gets the U is anyone's guess.
  • Vapor - At some point, Brett took up a habit of vaping and constantly referred to his vape as his vapour. While he vaped, he would always take a hit between almost every word in his videos.

Grammatical Errors

  • A Diploma Mills - This is the most notorious example of Brett changing plurality mid-sentence. While he only said this once, it is representative of how often Brett improperly conjugates during a sentence.
  • As well as me - This is Brett's way of saying "(insert person's name) and I".
  • I Seen This/That - Brett changes tense mid-sentence.
  • Insultive - According to Paul in Mind of the Manatee, "insultive" was a common phrase used by Brett that even predates his notoriety for situation. You would have to be a Brett Keane historian to know that.
  • Whenever - While he doesn't pronounce this wrong, he uses it improperly all the time. Keane will say "whenever" in place of "when".

List of Quotes

You're a bunch of dirty ass losers.

— The Finest Performance of Brett Keane[9]

We're dealing with [TJ] who is overweight, who sits in his dark-ass room drawing untalented pictures of garbage, awaiting for the next moment that he can hit Record and spew as much hatred and vile nonsense as he possibly can.

— His speech is also littered with projection.[10]

I had a lot of friends, I ended up killing most of them.

— Brett Keane's most honest statement[11]

Listening to him almost every single time has made my asshole quiver, I have almost felt like taking a dump. Luckily, like Deadpool says, "I'm wearing brown pants, so i'm good to go."

— Brett Keane, likely talking about himself and of course, gets the quote completely wrong.[12]

Hey man, this is Paul. I sound like I've been sucking on some wooden cock and I've got splinters in my throoo-wooah-ooat. -Laughs in Hutt-

— Keane's impression of Paul on acid.[13]

I'm Batman. Tell all your homosexual friends about me.

— A real quote by Brett. [14]

Sheep getting fucked in the ass with a barbwire dildo.

— At least you're not Brett Keane.[15]

I will predict this right now and I'm never wrong about my predictions.

— Being intellectually dishonest as ever.[16]
FakeSagan: Do you, like I do, carry the sin of having ever raised your hand against a woman in you life? Have you ever done that?
Brett Keane: I have never hit my wife in my life.
FakeSagan: Then I envy you sir.
— During his interview of Brett. Gullible as fuck.[17]

Live audience that you promote and endorse that behavior. Think, Paul. Thank you. I just want to let people know you just endorsed racism, rape and all that.

— Brett pulling his tricks on episode 166.[18]

Don't put french vanilla orn your coffee.

— Brett grives a warning orn how avoid being in his situation during episode 166.[19]

Like father, like son.

— Keane confirms himself as a deadbeat piece of shit as episode 166.[20]

CultOfDusty, what exactly is he doing for starving children?

— Keane asks Dusty Smith the hard questions on episode 279.[21]

I keep orn asking myself: 'Come orn, god'.

— Brett accidentally tells the truth during episode 285.[22]

[Duplicitous phrase in a possibly now-deleted/privated video represented by X] *many months later* I never said [X]!

— The Manatee Defense

...no cheese.

— Brett Keane before the domestic abuse situation.

None of my family are real friends.

— What he thinks of his own family

[Jaclyn Glenn] couldn't come up with an idea if it sat orn her face and wiggled its balls orn her chin. *snort* I personally think she's an upside down mop beanpole. *snort* I prefer a female with meat *snort* as opposed to these skinny *snort* flat chested um... long haired Tales From the fucking Crypt-looking women.

— Proving he's a feminist individual.

References

  1. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aFq7LFeyag8
  2. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mmlv4U53WdM
  3. https://youtu.be/ubf7ijoKylI?t=50s
  4. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aFq7LFeyag8
  5. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wFgO47gz6ss
  6. https://vid.me/RzjW#3m15s
  7. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mLDmV4igiQ
  8. https://youtu.be/Bm9AbuOQY4U?t=12m40s
  9. https://youtu.be/Bm9AbuOQY4U?t=10m50s
  10. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yUHyy8oP9WM
  11. YouTube link: https://youtu.be/YreczEUxpRI?t=3
  12. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GtdT8_llFD0
  13. https://youtu.be/uY24F7vjT5w?t=3m
  14. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uY24F7vjT5w&feature=youtu.be&t=3m30s
  15. https://youtu.be/6GxpQ9zZPP0?t=1m14s
  16. https://youtu.be/8R-UvTDFneI?t=6m25s
  17. https://youtu.be/zHwh31Mwi30?t=8m45s
  18. https://youtu.be/9kdzyKBORrk?t=17m25s
  19. https://youtu.be/9kdzyKBORrk?t=1h10m40s
  20. https://youtu.be/9kdzyKBORrk?t=1h35m10s
  21. https://youtu.be/3t2mExCuIkE?t=1h11m50s
  22. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aFq7LFeyag8